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Midas and Herb's Chronicles of Xet: Episode, Xet On It
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A free virtual cookie to who-so-ever gets the reference.
Vital statistics
Participants Midas and Herb,
Canren,
Xet,
Sye,
Vam,
Veranda,
the Blessed Thinmen
Perry the Puffle
Explorer 767,
Rocket Slug
Date July 30th, 2010
Location Varies.



The activity performed by Midas and Herb on July 30th, 2010, addressed by the BOF Midas and Herb's Chronicles of Xet: Episode, Xet on It, is a sprawling and insanely amusing event that forges unlikely allies, bribes strange characters, and nearly sends the ship of heads of state of Planet Z on a crash course with the earth!

Witness, if you dare, the unnatural alliances made by a psychotic babysitter and a legally-blind ufologist, bribery handed off by a penguin that's OBVIOUSLY an alien, and of course, music and the item vanishing! Hang on to the edge of your seat, because this is going to be one satellite dish building, ship hijacking, Resisty-referencing, Sye driving, Perry fighting, gold bribing, alien busting, Rocket Slug visiting, cane carrying, head of state near-arriving jamboree!

...-and it begins... right now!


Chapter One: We Have to Do SOMETHING Today...[]

Midas and Herb's Igloo, West Tri-State Lane, Club Penguin

Midas and Herb sat under the tree behind their igloo on West Tri-State Lane, bored out of their minds. They had, for the time being, exhausted their ideas, and honestly just wanted to sink into the ground out of boredom.

Miss Aurumen came outside and saw the boys sitting there.


"Midas, Herb... what's wrong?"

"WE'RE SSSOOOOOOOO BORED."

"Well... there's plenty to do today. This isn't really like you."

"I know Mom, but I simply can not think of anything to do."

"Hmm... that's a shame. Fortunately, I think I know just what will fix that. Your father and I are going down to South Pole City for the jeweler's convention, and then we'll be at Taste of the South Pole for the rest of the day. If you'd like, you can tag along and explore the city while we attend the events."

Midas got up.

"That would be great! What say you, Herb?"

Herb nodded.

"Then it's settled! Into the car, everyone!"

"Wait, Mom, I don't think it's safe for us to be wondering around alone in the big city. Don't you think that Canren should tag along?"

"That's a great idea, Midas. I'll call her right away."

The boys nodded as she contacted Canren. She arrived instantly and hopped in.

"I've got my eyes on you today." she growled.




The family and babysitter traveled to a city off of Club Penguin and hitched a ride on Club Penguin AirFlights to the Capital of the United States of Antarctica.

As the airplane made its way to the capitol, Midas and Herb happened to be watching an in-flight documentary. It was talking about aliens and The Stage, and whether not such things were true.


"The big question here is 'are we alone?'. Is someone out there, contacting us, or are they silent? If we are not alone, how many other realms of life are out there? Could there be entire civilizations? Perhaps, but perhaps not."

The plane continued as the boys watched the movie. Canren fell asleep.

"Through all the evidence we have shown, there is certainly not a presence of intelligent life. However, not everyone agrees with the conclusion made by most of the scientific community."

The video played onwards, and the boys' interest was peaked as the documentary showed a strange, dark-colored penguin- a stark contrast towards the bright and cheery background he was at -sitting on a park bench, as documentaries so often depict.

"Sye Grimom, lifetime paranormal expert and son of the famous bagel chef, Doctor Layer, claims otherwise."

"To find aliens, you simply need to know where to look." the penguin explained. "In fact, I have evidence to believe that there are aliens right here, right now."

On the documentary, Sye reached into his player card and pulled out a portrait of an oddly green penguin.

"This 'penguin', for example, lacks the traditional white chestpatch that you our I both don, as penguins. See how his beak is green and his wig is extremely strange? These are telltale signs of the oncoming alien armada. This alien here is 'a special invader' sent by- hey, HEY! Don't take the camera away, I'm not -kkzzzzzt-!"

The documentary changed to footage of an even darker looking penguin, a purple-haired video game-playing bird with black boots and a dress with a skull. Her eyes seemed to be at least partially closed, as she was feverishly mashing the buttons of her game and refusing to look at the camera.

"Veranda Grimom, Sye's brother, seems to concur with him."

"Aliens? Yeah, they're out there." the penguin stated, not looking up from her game.

"Anything else to add, madame?"

"No."

"Would you mind looking up from that game for the audience?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Mpht." Veranda scoffed.

"We now turn to Penguin Micro, who establishes a different kind of alien, one that governs our minds-"

The television turned off as the plane's PA announced their arrival. They were there. The plane slammed into the ground, knocking everyone on board off their seats.


South Pole City International Airport

"Now arriving at South Pole City International Airport. We hope you have had a safe landing. Remember that you can't sue us for the poor landing; you signed a waiver. Thank you for riding with us and have a glorious day!"


"Finally! We're here!" Miss Aurumen stated, stretching as she stood up. Mister Tacet quietly held onto her flipper as they, the boys, and Canren exited the plane.

"Okay. Your father and I are off for the jewelers. Here is all the coins you'll need to explore the city, and if you need anything, we are a phone call away. Canren, make sure the boys don't get into danger or mischief. If you need me, you know my number."

"Mom, I need you to sign this paper authorizing us to build new infrastructure for the city."

Miss Aurumen chuckled and rubbed Midas' hair. She took the clipboard, the paper, and the crayon, and signed the consent form.

"Your imaginations will be of great benefit to your future life. Never let it die out."


With that, Miss Aurumen and Mister Tacet hopped in a taxi as the others waved goodbye.


"Bye Mom! Bye Dad!"


Canren, though, glared.

"I repeat: I'm watching you! This is the day you WILL get caught!"


Midas and Herb ignored her as Herb took out a map of South Pole City.


"Well, since we really don't have any idea on what to do today, maybe we should just meet people? Herb, who has moved here recently?"

Herb held up a portrait of Xet and about ten other random penguins.

"Hey! Isn't that green guy the one on the documentary?"

Herb nodded.

"Well, why not meet him? If he IS an alien, who know what he could teach our world? ...-and, if not, we'll always have something to build for him. Come on Canren, we've got things to do!"


The boys and Canren loaded up the taxi, bound for a small neighborhood in the downtown area- Resisty Circle -not far from the South Pole Capitol.




Chapter Two: Confides from Outer Space[]

Xet's Base, Resisty Circle, South Pole City

Deep in the confines of an evil laboratory, a strange green bird-like creature was sitting on a chair. Right at his feet was what seemed to be a compact robotic vacuum.

"Vam, every minute we sit here, those foolish penguins remain free from the yoke of the Zitizen Empire. You and I both know that to prove to the Blessed Thinnest just how excellent we are, we must conquer this puny, lava-hating world."

"I like this game!" Vam replied, wheeling around in circles.

"VAM! Pay attention, this is IMPORTANT!"

"Oh. Sorry Xet!"

"Okay. Now..."

Vam scooted off. Xet sighed as he went back to his work, compiling data about penguins. Suddenly, the computer alerted him to an item outside.


"Xet, there are two penguins at the door. They could be very dangerous to your mission."


Xet scoffed.

"Send the parental mechanisms to greet them. Make sure they think we're normal."

"Okay."




Midas and Herb stood at the door to Xet's strange house. A crack went straight from its top to its bottom, and it was painted what seemed to be a dark maroon. It was as if this house was assembled together by some factory builder who refused to weld it together. It didn't seem natural. Every other residence in this small neighborhood was an equally dim, ramshackle igloo, and behind all of the poorly-built igloos, towering skyscrapers of South Pole City cast huge shadows over the entire neighborhood, giving an ominous dimming of the sunlight over the entire neighborhood. A chilly wind lightly blew, causing the boys to shiver.

They rang the doorbell several times, each time hearing a Moo Penguin make its familiar mooing bellow.

The purple, wooden door creaked open and two extremely creepy, mechanized robots appeared. One was supposedly a male adult penguin, and the other a female.

"Why... he-*static*-HELLO there. Penguins! How. Are you doing today? Good? Okay. How are you doing today? Can I get you a snack or eat your hair? Turtle?"


"Not. Why not. Why not -*kzzzt*- Why not join us for the traditional penguin breakfast of rusty bed springs and -static- tacos?"


Midas and Herb looked at each other and then back at the robots.

"Well..." Midas remarked, "He's trying to develop a sort of robot thing to protect his house. I guess this one," Midas said, pointing to the father robot that was currently chewing on the threshold of the door, "represents the father, and this one", gesturing to the mother robot that was repeatedly saying 'Meap Meap Meap' while stretching its claw-tipped flippers up and down, "represents the mother. Creepy."


"Silly neighbor! We. Are. Normal parents. Normal penguins! Normal normal *--KZZT--* penguins! Now, who wants tarter. Sauce." the father robot exclaimed.


Midas looked at Herb and back at the robotic parents, both brothers extremely creeped out.

"...so... he's an orphan trying to design parental figures? Sort of sad, but not so much as it is creepy."

"That's the spirit, sport! Go long!"


Midas just stared. Then, he regained his composure.

"We're looking for Xet-"

The mother robot placed one of her arms on Midas' beak.

"Xet can not come come come to to the phone- face -for he is currently busy playing with bacon in the bathroom! Toast!"


The father robot chimed in.

"He's a perfectly normal penguin penguin. Like. You, like you, little girl! Dress, it's nice."


Midas frowned.

"It's... a robe, ma'am."

Herb snickered a bit and covered his mouth with his flipper. The robot mother grabbed Herb and randomly lifted him up in the air, about to throw him.

"Let's play ball in the fountain! It'll be train-tastic!"


The father also chimed in.

"I call the toilet cakes!"


Herb just remained completely calm as the robo-mother held him up. He wiggled his flipper free and struggled to reach the robot's neck. He managed to grab it, and gave a hard tug. The robot's poorly built neck joints snapped, and the circuitry went offline. It fell to the ground as Midas looked on in awe of his step-brother. The robotic father ran back in and shut the door.


Canren, who had watched the whole thing from behind an upside-down lawn gnome at the sidewalk, was trembling. Still, she overcame it as she suddenly became defensive of her entrusted penguins.

She waddled up to the doorstep and pushed Midas and Herb aside, banging on the door.


"HEY! You bucket of bolts; I want to have a word with you!"

The door opened and the father robot reappeared. Canren whacked his head off with a purse she had pulled out of her player card. He fell to the ground, too.

"Thanks, Canren." Midas added, as Herb nodded.



The Grimom Residence, Sye's Room

Sye, meanwhile, was working on some sort of little doodad, wearing a pair of earphones to monitor the sounds near Xet's base. Veranda was sitting on a chair nearby, playing her Snowtendo DS. Sye perked up as he heard the struggles and clanging between Midas, Herb, Canren, and the robotic parent machines.

"They... they took them out! Wow! Veranda, come here and listen to this!"

Veranda didn't look up from her game.

"Ah, never mind." Sye turned back to the machine, completing it. He got off the chair and held it up, like his father would after he succeeded in making an invention (or a bagel).

"Finally!" Sye rejoiced, "I've finally completed the bug I need to hack into Xet's computer!"

Veranda breathed loudly.

Sye turned to Veranda.

"Veranda, do you not see the significance of this?"

Veranda was silent. Sye sighed and took the game console from her.

"Veranda, this is import... import... im-"

Veranda looked up and cast the most horrid glare of anger Sye had ever seen.

"Sye, return my video game to me or I will plunge you into a Nightmare World from which there is no awakening!"


"Oh.... uh, sorry, sis. Here you go... -and I'll do your homework for a week come school again!"

Veranda nodded, took the game, and once again was staring at it, concentrating.


Sye waddled out, saying goodbye to his father, and out to Xet's base. As he was traveling the distance and about to enter the bounds of Xet's property, someone out of nowhere chucked a tomato at him. Sye turned and scowled at the kid, a really annoying one who always screamed.

"FOUR EYES! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY? FINDING A YETI?"

Sye growled to himself and ignored it. However, the penguin had some goons that came and crowded around Sye. They started randomly beating him up. Canren saw this and ran over, picking up Sye (emperor penguins are much larger than adelie penguins) and running off.

"Thanks." Sye said, gratefully.



Chapter Three: Voyager, the Hideous New Scheme[]

Midas and Herb, meanwhile, decided to let themselves into Xet's "house". They opened up the door and were astonished by the ugly furniture, peeling wallpaper, and dirty floor. Xet was quickly alerted to the intruders.

"Vam, stay here while I go up and stop these INTRUDERS myself. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

"Standing still is FUN!"

"That's good, Vam."


Xet traveled to an elevator and went up. He appeared in the cabinet of the "kitchen" sink. Pushing the door open, he saw Midas and Herb in the living room.


"Okay Xet. It's just some stupid penguins. Remember: you're one of them." Xet spoke to himself.


He entered the living room.

"HELLO PENGUINS!" Xet shouted, "My name is Xet and I am a penguin, like you!"

"Hi Xet. My name is Midas and this is Herb. We just wanted to welcome you to South Pole City."

"I noticed that you took out my obviously real parents. That's not how penguins, like you and me, behave!" Xet stated, continuing his ruse.

"Xet, we know those aren't your parents."

"Nonsense!"

"Xet. They're robots." Midas said, flatly.

"No!"

"Fine. However, you seem to be an avid inventor. What exactly is your aim?"

"My aim? My aim, penguin, is obviously to CONQUER THIS WORLD FOR PLANET- uhh... I mean, I don't have any special aim... my aim is to live a normal, productive life, like any NORMAL penguin!"

Midas was confused.

"Well... we love building stuff. It's fun. You seem down, and I think you could use some help. We're very good at technology and most anything you can think of, so just name it and we'll help. We have all day!"

Xet turned his back to Midas and Herb as he began talking to himself.

"Hmm, these foolish penguins may make excellent pawns for my EVIL plan! Why, with their technology, I bet I can stage an invasion here for my leaders!"

Xet, who had thumbs on his flippers, snapped them in realization.

"THAT'S IT! Fellow penguins- like me -I can use your help. You see... I have much passion for..." he looked around. "TELEVISION. Yes, the primitive box that has moving pictures in it."

"You want a TV show?"

"No! I want a BIG SATELLITE DISH."

Midas laughed.

"Oh please, we could do that in our sleep. So, what kind? C-band? Multi? Ku-band? Big and Ugly?"

Xet thought for a moment.

"X-BAND! When I was coming to this puny- I mean, when I was looking through a telescope, I saw a pathetic little alien probe headed out of your- our solar system."

"Let me guess." Midas stated, "That little one that went down the solar system through the termination shock and is apparently in the direction of Planet X."

"YES, THAT'S THE ONE!"

"Yeah, I figured. This strange penguin with a propeller cap told us about it."

"EXCELLENT! So," Xet began, "Do you think you can build a satellite dish that can contact the thing AND use said thing to beam further items deeper into space?"

"Oh, yes. I see you're interested in contacting aliens?"

"ALIENS? No, I am a penguin just like you! There is nothing in the stars but penguins. I just want to send signals, that is all."

Herb leaned over a bit to see Vam moving trying to climb into a dirty armchair. He fell in. Midas looked, too.

"Cool! Is that one of those new compact robot vacuums? Mom's always wanted one of those."

"Hey XET XET XET XET XET XET XET XET XET XET XET XET XET XET!"

"WHAT?" Xet responded.

"I'M A CHAIR."

Xet slapped his "flipper" upon his "beak".


"Come on Xet, we're burning daylight! Herb, I KNOW WHAT WE'RE 'GONNA DO TODAY!"





Chapter Four: It's a Slug, Slug World[]

"Phineas......I'm out......out of.....breath," Rocket Slug said whilst she tried to breathe. "All.......that......running.....heard Xet.......lived here......."


"Yes, RS, but all that running is good for our buns and thighs, right?" replied her younger brother with a smile.


"Why couldn't we have taken a plane here or a taxi or even our skateboards?" asked RS, finally catching up. "Oh, and ya, buns and tyes." she joked around in a giggly accent.


All of a sudden, she opened her eyes. "HEY DUDE, THIS IS XET'S HOUSE!" she screamed.

They knocked on the door.



Xet, meanwhile, was still speaking with Midas and Herb. He decided to ignore the knocking and continued with the plan, as Midas nodded.

"Yes, we can certainly do that."

Midas extended his flipper to shake with Xet's, as he stood onward.

"........what am I supposed to do, penguin?"

Midas paused.

"It's called a handshake. I mean, we don't have hands, but yeah, it's called that. You don't know what a handshake is?"

"No."

Midas decided to help him. He took Xet's "flipper" and shook it, not noticing that Xet had thumbs.

"Okay. Let's go!"

The team went out the back door of Xet's home.




Rocket Slug stood outside the door and rang the doorbell a second time.

"HEY! HEY! Anyone in there?"

Rocket Slug turned to Phineas34720, who shrugged.

"They must be gone." he stated. "We'd better go find them."

"MORE RUNNING?"

"Yep."

"Aaawwwwwww!"




Canren, meanwhile, was still speaking to Sye as he was shivering in fear from those who had clobbered him. He had yet to regain his composure. Canren found the small, dark little penguin rather adorable, as she always did have a soft spot for nerds. She placed a flipper on his back and rubbed him gently, trying to calm him down.

"Don't worry, I think they're all gone."

Sye relaxed a bit.

"Yeah. I think they are. Again, thanks for saving me back there."

"Don't mention it."

Sye smiled and reached for his cane, using it to pull himself up.

"Well, I guess I'd better introduce myself. The name's Sye Grimom."

"Canren Sermunculli."

The two shook flippers and smiled. They were short of words, especially Sye, who found Canren to be quite attractive.

"Well, I guess I'd better be going, then!" Sye nodded as he walked off.

However, before he could go far, the two heard some familiar voices in the distance.

"Come on Herb, that steel isn't going to move itself!"

"Vam! Guard the base- house while I'm away!"

"Okey-dokey!"


Sye growled to himself.

"Xet..."

Canren scowled, too.

"Midas... Herb..."

The two turned back to face each other, noting the similarities in their reactions to these voices. Sye turned back and continued to walk. It was then, of course, that another bully burst out of a bush near the sidewalk, wearing a moose head.

Sye screamed to high heaven as the bully laughed. He- like everyone else -knew Sye was terrified of moose. Just to torture him further, the moose-donning penguin pulled out some nuts and placed them in his beak, crunching them loudly (even though penguins didn't need to chew), causing Sye to fall to the floor, gripping where his ears would be in pain. Supposedly, he was very sensitive to the sound of crunching.

"Stop! Please, STOP! No, NO! THE MOOSE! PLEASE, STOP THE MOOSE!" Sye shouted, curling up as much as he could and shivering at the horror of a moose penguin eating nuts.

Canren glared and pushed Sye aside, telling him to make room. She grabbed the bully by the collar of his shirt and cast him a serious glare.


"Is THIS how you have fun?" Canren asked, seething with anger, "Picking on a poor chick by dressing as his worst fear and harming his sensitive hearing? The kid's practically BLIND. BLIND, punk, BLIND. As if picking on the helpless isn't bad enough, here you are bullying the disabled! What else do you do for fun? Pickpocket old people? Take advantage of those who give money to the poor? Steal Christmas presents?"

Canren tore the bully's moose head off and pointed her flipper in his face.

"You are sick. You are evil, you are low, villainous, disgusting... no girl will ever like you. So go away and crawl back into the sewer you pulled yourself out of! Get out of here, SCRAM!"

The bully stepped back and ran off.


Canren picked Sye up and carried him to a safer place, again rubbing his back to calm him down. She may be crazy, but she still cared for chicks. It was why she became a babysitter, after all.

Sye looked back up and thanked Canren a second time for all she had done for him. Canren told him it was nothing, and offered the penguin to hang with her for protection, while she searched for her other responsibility.

Chapter Five: Millions Served, a Few Slapped[]

Meanwhile, RS and Phineas were running around South Pole City, trying to find Xet and Vam.


They stopped into a McDoodle's to take a break and maybe get a clue.


"Welcome to McDoodle's, may I take your order?" asked the teenager at the counter.


Phineas, not paying attention because he waddled away to the Silly Meal toy display when RS wasn't looking, didn't reply to the cashier.


"What's up with your friend?" asked another cashier with thick, blond hair and glittery eyes.

"He's my younger brother." replied RS sweetly. Almost as if her body were taken over by a jerk, she suddenly screamed, "PHINEAS, PAY ATTENTION! YOU'VE GOT THE ATTENTION SPAN OF MY GOLDFISH!!!!!" She then smiled slyly.



"Oh-kaaaaaaaay?" said a doubting customer.


"Oh, Flywish action figure that says 10 phrases in English, Spanish, and French, I love you." Phineas planted the penguin equivelent of a kiss on the display. "Uh, oh, hi, hello. Sorry." he said, turning around and waddling up to the counter dizzily and clumsily. "Have you seen a penguin come in here?" he asked.


"Yes. At least a hundred per day!" said the cashier sarcastically. "Why do you care?"


"We're looking for a specific penguin, a-durr. He's green with a green beak, I think it's either a skin disease or a really good makeup job, no trace of a belly splotchy-thing, THE WHITE THING, you know what I mean-" Rocket Slug explained, gesturing to her chestpatch, which was very obvious through her tube top "-and he wears purplish-pink robes with a spotted backpack. A stupid, er, ADVANCED vacuum cleaner follows him. He also has deep black hair. His name is Xet."


RS twirled her hair around her flipper cutely and then dug around in her survival backpack.


She held up her blue icePhone in the cashier's face, making it obvious that there was a fake "Missing Chick" poster obviously plastered on the large touchscreen.


The penguin shrugged and rolled his eyes.


"We serve food here, Miss."


"Well, we're going," said her little brother, starting to walk out.


Rocket Slug reached into her backpack and smacked Phineas with a waffle iron.


"Ow! What was that for?" he asked irritably.


"We're not going anywhere until we get clues. Facts. And maybe a frappe for me; I'm parched." said RS, staring into space for a second thinking about mocha.


"Can we get a Silly Meal? I want those yummy fries!"


SLAP!


"THANKS!" said her brother sarcastically, rubbing his arm.


The cashier raised what would constitute his eyebrows at the physical aggression of these siblings. He'd better tell them all that he knows.


"Yeah, he was in here earlier. He asked about our 'MILLIONS SERVED' sign and brought up slavery. I told him that we serve food, and then his little vacuum tried to jump up here, failed epically with a side of Fizz Master Brand Soda, fell upside down, and they both left... THAT'S ALL I KNOW PLEASE DON'T HIT ME WITH A WAFFLE IRON."


"Thanks." Rocket Slug replied. "Oh and can I have an iced McFrappe, and a McNugget McSilly Meal?"



"Five coins, please."


RS dug around in her cargo pants pocket, then dropped the coins on the counter.


"Thank you very much. According to our new promotion, now with a chick's meal, you get a FREE DRINK!" the teen said, trying to act excited. "HEY EVERYBODY!" he spoke quietly into the kitchen, almost a whisper, but it was easy to be heard with a microphone.


Everyone, even the guy eating fries in the kitchen when he was supposed to be working and the person working the to-go window looked.


"WE HAVE OUR 9,000TH FREE DRINK WITH A SILLY MEAL!"



The staff screamed. "YEAH!!!!!"



The teenager rang a bell loudly.


"Can we get the food now? This service is slower than a gastropod tied to unlit TNT." Phineas commented.


SLAP!


They got the meal, ate, and continued the investigation.



I CAN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING TS PLEASE DON'T HIT ME WITH A WAFFLE IRON!!!!!

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