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The Whootsagtwasgehtindruck Newspaper
Naughtzee propaganda machine!
AVERT YOUR EYES OR YOU'LL GET BRAINWASHED BY THE STATE!
Click image to enlarge.
Vital statistics
Type Propaganda material
Effects Propaganda!
Source Khanzem
Location Newspaper
Cost to buy *Free (back when it was produced)
* Sells for rough 50,000 coins at auction
Cost to sell N/A (when in print)
* Sells for roughly 50,000 coins at auction



The Whootsagtwasgehtindruck (pronounced "whoot-says-what-druck") was a propagandist newspaper designed to sway the public to favor Khanzem's cause. For many lower penguins in Khanzem, it worked. Naturally, it was the only newspaper during the Khanzem era. The newspaper's name is directly derived from the phrase "Whoot sagt was geht in Druck!", literally meaning "Whoot says what is in print!".

Background[]

After the fall of the High Penguin Confederacy in 1913, Whoot Smackler Whoot quickly realized that freedom of press encourages rebellion against the state. He needed to think of something and do it quick, because newspapers were already running his "victory". Sure, they were praising it now, but Smackler planned ahead.

He signed the creation of a state paper into law just fifteen days after the coup. He searched for a good spin doctor to write biased and one-sided newspaper articles about Whoot and Khanzem that could sway the masses yet still seem to be freedom of press.

He found it in a penguin by the name of Brother Arctic, who, ironically, is a direct ancestor of Aunt Arctic, a penguin who believes in fair, neutral, and high quality journalism straight from the Walrus' mouth.


Brother Arctic was really good at his job. He churned out a weekly paper from the dawn to the fall of the Naughtzee Third Reich, never missing a week.

Description[]

The Whootsagtwasgehtindruck bore a striking resemblance to the modern Penguin Times in layout: its cover stories on the first page, an "Ask Brother Arctic" section, even secrets and tips for everyday life in the Reich and its interface. Puzzles and crosswords were included (all Whoot-themed, of course) as were upcoming events. Brother Arctic accepted comics, jokes, and riddles from anyone, but he only chose pro-Khanzem and pro-Whoot content. Strangely, though, he didn't edit people's writing and questions, he only rejected them if it was anti-Whoot.

Samples[]

IN FOCUS:

  • Weclome to In Focus. Our tour guide will be explaining the various parks and services that our leader has so graciously provided. Our tour guide led us to the local plaza. We stood upon the tile as he began: "Teh fU|-|r3Rzz strives to give us the highest quality places of recreation. Penguins can play baseball, kickball, dodgeball, or any other game that tickles their fancy. Unlike the Noob Faces before us, Whoot wants everyone to play and join in..."


TIPS AND SECRETS:

  • In Whack-a-Noob-Face, pressing the up arrow three times will skip you five levels ahead. Try it!


ASK BROTHER ARCTIC

  • Dear Brother Arctic:

    What can I do to help stop the Resistence? I keep having this fear that I'm going to get thrown in jail when Khanzem gets re-conqured. Is there anything I can do to assist the war effort? -Most-High Worrier

    • Brother Arctic's response -- Dear Most-High Worrier:

      Believe it or not, I get this question quite a bit and will gladly answer it. Even if you are a young chick, you can still help our nation! If you or your relatives do not wish to join our military, you can still contribute by donating your ShoopDaWhoots (Khanzem money) to the cause. Invest in war bonds! Not only will you recieve a nice pin and a certificate for your player card inventory, you'll be helping out our military by supplying them with needed money to feed, shelter, and assist them in defeating those Noob-Faces once and for all. Remember, everybody can do their part. - Brother Arctic


JOKES:

  • Q: How many High Penguins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    • A: 50,001. One to hold the light bulb, fifty thousand to turn the building until the bulb is in.
  • Q: What is the High Penguin's favorite genre of music?
    • A: Hip-hop. We jump all over them.


RIDDLES:

  • (write a propaganda riddle)


POETRY:

Roses are red, violets are blue. The Naughtzee is win, but HPs sure stink.


COMICS, FAN ART, PUZZLES, IMAGES, etc.

Freedom Fighter's News[]

An opposing paper, the Freedom Fighter's News, also existed from about the start of Khanzem. Published by members of the Resistance, the paper was distributed exclusively to members of the resistance and their families. IIt was a single piece of A4, consisting of the next protests, plans and upcoming events. Two columns ran down either side, a joke column and a comic entitled "Diary of a Spy". "Diary of a Spy" was a fictional series about a High Penguin who became a spy for the Resistance, and his antics. The comic usually ended with a Naughtzee getting squashed, pulverised, shot, sat on or caught in a trap. The comic was very popular, and provided a much-needed laugh during those tough times.


The paper the Freedom Fighter's News was printed on is most interesting, because it was printed on Nori paper, used for sushi, and edible plant extracts as ink. If a copy of the news fell into Naughtzee hands, it would be disastrous. So, if a Resistance member was captured, they could eat their copy of the Freedom Fighter's News, therefore averting certain disaster. This paper also served a double purpose, being eaten when food was short. The publishers, noticing this, gave the paper a different flavouring with every printing.


Sadly, Nori does not survive long. Today, there are no surviving copies of the Freedom Fighter's News, with the exception of one in the Bureau of Fiction.

Trivia[]

  • The paper is now highly collectable, they say that only 100,000 copies of 9,000,000 exist. Some dates are missing. For instance, there is no known surviving copy of a Whootsagtwasgehtindruck April Fools' edition or a Halloween version, either. Finding a novelty/holiday copy is a huge benefit, they fetch for about 100,000 coins apiece on the market.
  • Whoot Smackler Whoot, however, owns one copy of every edition of the Whootsagtwasgehtindruck paper from the rise to fall of his empire. He refuses to share them with the world by digitizing them.
  • Brother Arctic appears on Aunt Arctic's resume as "relatives with experience", "family", and under "inspiration".
  • Historical accounts claim that Brother Arctic, like AA, was a gentle pacifist who just reported, as compared to actually fighting. BA was very patriotic and pround of his nation, they all recall. He gets mad at people who question Khanzem, and still doesn't like HPs very much (he's warmed up to them a bit, though).

Internal Links[]

  • Brother Arctic
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