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Great Darktonian Pie War
Read all the chapters!

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19

See other features!

Archived Inclusions
Story Structure
Spin-off Game
Discussion


This is the Chapter 16 of the Great Darktonian Pie War.


PLEASE EXPAND THIS CHAPTER! WE NEED TO COMPLETE IT BEFORE WORKING ON THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS!


Chapter Sixteen: The Epic Battle for South Pole City[]

Mayor McFlapp zoomed up to his office in Ternville. He stepped in through an open window, and began frantically searching the mess of papers on the floor. Finally, he gave up.


The Mayor pressed a button on his personal intercom.


"Becky?"


His secretary answered him.


"Yes, Mayor?"


"Where's the bally Lithium Improbability Drive?" the Mayor asked, a hint of panic in his voice.


"On your desk."


The Mayor checked his desk. The drive was still missing.


"Becky, it's not flippin' there!"


"Well then, I don't know where it is."


"I needed it for the pie war!"


"You'd better start searching then."


The intercom disconnected. The Mayor called Explorer.


"Explorer? I can't find the flippin' drive! Proceed with the bally backup plan, wot wot!"


"Over and out," finished Explorer, still astride the Giant Pen.


The rain of food had stopped and the Darktonian Army was getting restless. Darktan had returned the minute it had stopped raining food and was now getting the side of Evil to march towards SPC.


"Okay, troops!" called Explorer, "Techno Archers, to your posts! Orb Flingers, load those catapults! Pie Soldiers arm yourselves. Let's get ready to rummmmmblllllleeeee!"


The army of good gave a cheer and went about arming themselves.


The walkie-talkie on Explorer's belt crackled.


"Commander Explorer!" came the Ternville Air Force's captain, Jim, "We're positioned above South Pole City. Fleets of Icarus are amassing over PBJT Valley. What are your orders?"


"Jim, load some pie bombs and drop them when I give the signal. Try to shoot down as many Icarus as possible."


"Roger, Explorer. Over and out."


Shroomsky sidled up to Explorer.


"Do you think we've got a chance?" asked Shroomsky, "Most of our flank have been felled by pies. We've only got a third of our original army left."


"We've just got to hope that Mayor McFlapp finds that Improbability Drive in time," answered Explorer, gazing at the Evil Army.


Meanwhile, Darktan was also making preparations.


"Get ready, troops!" he bellowed, "Xary, how are the repairs on Robo-Gary going?"


"Brilliantly, master," said X, "Only one leg left to repair."


"Good," said Darktan.


The evil army started marching towards SPC.


"Get ready, goodies," said Darktan quietly to himself, "Especially you, fungus."


"They're almost in range!" cried Triskelle to the Techno Archers. "On my command!"


"One..."


The Archers took aim.


"Two..."


They pulled back their silicon bow strings.


"Three! Fire!"


The shining silver arrows flew through the air and cut into Darktan's flank. Instead of puncturing the skin, the arrows delivered a 9,000 volt shock to the evil soldiers. They instantly fell unconscious. Several bells tolled.


"First Archers, fall back, reload! Second Archers, Fire!"


Meanwhile, Explorer was leading the Orb Slingers.


"That's the stuff! Try to get one in WitchyPenguin's face!"


WitchyPenguin soared around the Energy Orbs, missing them by inches. She shot some magic at the SPC battlements.


KA-CHUNK!!!


A grand piano appeared above one of the Orb Slingers, and knocked him out cold.


With that, the cackling witch flew away to cause more mayhem.


Mayor McFlapp was still searching through his messy office, when his PDA beeped. He pulled it out from under his top hat.


URGENT! EVIL EDIT TO Great Darktonian Pie War BY L.CARRION!


Mayor McFlapp's eyes widened. He ran over to an intercom and dialed the Bureau of Fiction extension, 1337.


"All departments on full flippin' alert! The bloomin' Bureau of Entropy is trying to change the outcome of the bally pie war, wot wot!"


In the dark bowels of the Bureau of Entropy, Lord Carrion stopped typing at his Hydraulis. McFlapp was trying to revert his edits! He called out to Director Kenny across the room, who was typing furiously on his blue laptop.


"Kenny! That idiot featherbag, McFlapp, is trying to revert my edits! Get all the departments on full alert!"


Director Kenny pulled a blue microphone from a drawer in his desk and spoke into it.


"Attention Bureau of Entropy," said Kenny cooly, "All employees to your stations, repeat, to your stations. Revert all Bureau of Fiction edits."


Shroomsky marched on, instructing the Good Guy's foot soldiers around South Pole City. They formed a long line. The Darktonian Army marched towards them at a frightening pace. An Abyss Knight was leading the oncoming horde.


"Arm yoursel-" began Shroomsky, but was stopped mid sentence as he dodged a frantic volley of pies. The Evils had caught them by surprise!


The side of Evil advanced upon the unready Good soldiers and smashed pies in their faces. Bells tolled continuously as soldiers went down like dominoes. They were getting thrashed. Suddenly, a sound was heard above them.


SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI!


A huge ROFLCOPTERCOPTER appeared, filled with fifty good soldiers. They opened fire on the evils.


RATATATATATAT!!!!


Rofl Waffles shot down and hit seventy Doom Knights. They fell on the ground laughing and were immediately smashed by pies. Seventy bells sounded. The good guys cheered.


Meanwhile, Commander Jim of the Ternvile Air Force was having other problems.


"Red 1, look out for that Icarus!" shouted Jim into his headset.


The tern flying the jet fighter swerved just in time to avoid a blast of energy. One other tern, Green 2, wasn't so lucky. An Icarus smashed into his, and the fuel tanks blew up. The Icarus's flying device was destroyed and he went plummeting towards the ground. Green 2 had escaped just in time and was drifting safely down on a parachute.


"Go for the wings!" said Red 4.


Streams of explosive licorice bullets flew out of all the Red squad's inbuilt machine guns. The bullets slammed into two Icarus and their flying devices exploded.


"Nice one, Red 4," remarked Jim, "Now Blue Squad, fly above me, Red squad, fly below me and Gold Squad, arm your bomb launchers."


Darktan was enraged at the loss of seventy of his Doom Knights. He summoned a laser beam and tried to blast Shroomsky. The mushroom ducked just in time, and the beam flew over his head and narrowly missed the Silmarils.


"You'll never get me, Darktan!" cried Shroomsky from behind some fallen debris.


Darktan shot a beam of laser at the Debris and it disintegrated, leaving Shroomsky standing alone and unprotected.


"You think so, fungus?" said Darktan. He summoned a giant ball of shadow energy that enlarged in his flippers. Then he released.


SHOOM!!


A giant shockwave shot backwards at Darktan, knocking him off his feet and onto the ground. He got up and saw the cause.


An orb of Ice energy had got in the way of his shadow beam, and a solid wall of ice, now streaked with grey, separated him from Shroomsky.


Darktan was even angrier, then he calmed himself. There would be time for revenge later. He floated away, laughing his trademark laugh.


Shroomsky let out a sigh of relief and looked up. Explorer was standing up at the wall looking down at him. He let down a rope ladder and Professor Shroomsky started climbing.


"You've got a good aim, Explorer!" said Shroomsky as he climbed.


"Best aim in my class at Penguin University," said Explorer with a satisfied smirk. "I could hit your house from 30 meters."


"So it was you doing that!"


Triskelle, up on the higher part of the battlements, looked down at Shroomsky chasing Explorer.


"Hey you two! Will ye stop acting like fools, there's a war to be won!"


Somebody tapped Triskelle on the shoulder.


"Uh, chief Triskelle?" he asked nervously.


"Yes?"


"We're out of Techno Arrows."


Triskelle slapped a flipper over his eyes.


"Oh, for the love of PoTAYTO..."


BOOM!


A large fireball shot at a building above the platform where the Techno Archers and Triskelle were. Huge chunks of debris fell towards them.


Triskelle summoned a wave of water from the Amulet and tried to stop the chunks of mortar, but to no avail.


CHINK!


The wave instantly turned to ice above their heads. The looked towards the Orb Slingers below, who were waving at them.


"Thank you, my friends!" called Triskelle.


DJ X, Director Benny and Becky sat at computer terminals, frantically reverting the edits by the Bureau of Entropy. Illustrator Keith was running around, screaming his head off.


"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WE'LL BE ENSLA-"


KA-THUNK!!!


A large piano fell on Keith, knocking him out instantly. Becky and DJ X looked at Director Benny.


"I couldn't help it," said Benny, "I can't handle people screaming while I work."


The Intercom rang, Becky answered it with her beak, still typing.


"Masters? This is the Department of Plot. We've got a second report of a piano falling on somebody. What's up with that? Where's the variety? I demand you change it no--"


KA-THUNK!!!'KA-THUNK!!!'KA-THUNK!!!


Three pianos simultaneously fell on the Plot Department's head, knocking him out.


Mayor McFlapp had had enough.


"LOCK IT! LOCK THE STORY!"


Benny rushed over to a huge red lever, labeled "PULL IN EVENT OF MALIGNANT EDITS", and, straining, lowered it to the ground.




FIZZ!


Static showed up on all of the Bureau of Entropy's screens. Sparks flew everywhere, then the power went out.


There was total silence in the Bureau of Fiction. The sheer shockwave of the locking had sent an earthquake through the Fourth Wall, spinning the silver cylinder that was the Bureau of Fiction. Fluorescent lights flickered feebly, dangling from cables or just on the floor, power leads trailing like snakes. Paper had cascaded from cupboards so the whole office of the Masters was head-deep in files. The emergency lighting came on, and the Bureau was bathed in red light.


More silence.


Suddenly, a talon burst from the papers, clutching a small golden box with a whole in it. The talon belonged to Mayor McFlapp, whose head also burst out of the papers a second later.


"YOU BALLY BEAUTY!" he cried, kissing the Lithium Improbability Drive.


Benny, DJ X, Billybob and Becky's heads popped out of the avalanche.


"Oh look. It was in the cupboard," said Benny, "I TOLD you so."


"Shut your flippin' gob, you bally ball of fluff," said Mayor McFlapp, who was now plugging the Drive into the Narrator's Organ.


The phone rang.


"Umm...hello, sir?" said a timid voice from the Department of Plot, "What just happened? Our boss just got knocked out by three pianos."


DJ X snatched the phone.


"Yo, dawg, we got the whole sitch under control. No sweat, we've won, bro!"


All the employees cheered.


In the Bureau of Entropy, Murphy switched on a torch.


"Why didn't you install emergency lighting? I'm sure I told somebody to do it."


Lord Carrion also switched on a torch.


"No matter now, that featherbag's locked the story. He's bound to make some edits to sway the story to the side of good. Kenny, status report!"


"It'll take us two hours to restore the system and power," said Director Kenny, bathed in the glow from his laptop.


"Two hours?" snarled Carrion, "Make it one!"


"Don't waste your energy, Carrion," said Murphy calmly, "We'll just have to try to make it as miserable as possible for them and hope we prevail."


Carrion went quiet and Kenny got to work restoring the system.


Changing a few settings on the Narrator's Organ, The Mayor set up the Lithium Improbability Drive. It hummed eagerly.


"Right then," said Mayor McFlapp, "THE CAKE IS A--"


"Wait!" cried Becky, "What if it mucks up the whole story and the side of evil loses? What if we all become donuts? What if-"


"The cake is a lie," drawled Benny, bored. The Drive activated, and something very, very improbable happened.

Suddenly a giant beattle appeared. "I TOLD U TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT!" Becky shouted. But a weird snowball was shot and the beattle fell and blew up. Then a light blue penguin cane down and said "Im Lily8763 i was told to come here need any help?"

"uh YEAH what can you do to help?" Mayor McFlapp said...

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