Club Penguin Fan Universe
Great Darktonian Pie War
Read all the chapters!

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19

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Archived Inclusions
Story Structure
Spin-off Game

This is the Chapter 15 of the Great Darktonian Pie War.

Chapter Fifteen: It's Raining Pepperoni and Blizzards![]

Meanwhile, across the plains in front of South Pole City, Darktan's army was swiftly advancing.

Mayor McFlapp watched the evil regiment approach through a set of binoculars. He waved at a series of loaded trebuchets and ballasts to standby for fire.

"Closer, now, wot, a little closer..." muttered the Mayor as he watched the front lines draw ever nearer to the fortress city. "All right, that's close enough now, gotta fire before they bally see us..... Catapults 23 to 31! Set your vectors Z3 t' Z7, fire at full power..... NOW!"

Large, glassy balls containing Amulet Energy flew through the air, accompanied by several spaghetti missiles, Deletion Missiles, and pizza grenades. The projectiles soared through the air, cutting through the wind at a record height, then zoomed straight down and various angles.

A Mwa Mwa Penguin at Darktan's front lines looked around the army, making sure everything was in order for the attack. Numerous frontline STINC soldiers carried missiles to launch at the walls. They were backed up by Doom Knights who were armed with Headcrabs. If the STINC's attempt to breach the walls failed, the Doom Knights would throw the Headcrabs over the walls, where the brainwashing crustaceans would crawl around and brainwash a group of citizens into opening the city gates wide. Then the whole Darktonian army would charge into the supposedly unprotected city.

Once the Mwa Mwa Penguin finished making sure everything was set for the attack, it resumed its post on the top of Windy the cloud. All of a sudden, a glassy, glowing ball fell from the sky and smashed straight into the madpenguin's face. There was a quick cracking sound, then the Mwa Mwa Penguin was gone from sight. In its place was a solid, opaque block of ice.

Glassy balls and missiles began pummeting from above, causing chaos everywhere. A group of STINC soldiers were running from a mega-tsunami, several Mwa Mwas had just vanished in a purple flash of light when a large, glowing missile hit them, and the Dark Templars were being kept from their patients by a bombardment of pizza toppings and hot sauce. The Mwa Mwa Penguin was immediately freed from the ice block by a missile, only to be blown away by a tornado that had sprouted from the remains of one of the duller glass balls.

Darktan was furious. Everywhere he looked, he saw disorder. "Explain this to me!" he raged at yet another Mwa Mwa Penguin. The Mwa Mwa opened its mouth, as if to say something, but was swept off its feet by a wild blizzard. Darktan immediately ducked to avoid a small fireball, then stormed off to his mobile tent to wait out the ambush.

Midas and Herb sat under the pine tree in their back yard, with their Puffle, Perry. It had been about twelve hours since they first sold their invention to that insect, and only Herb had put any thought to whether it was right or wrong. Midas on the other hand soon started to get annoyed. He had done nothing since they made that contraption, and he didn't even want to stare at his gold for the moment.

"I, for one am starting to get bored, and boredom is something up which I will not put. The first thing they're gonna ask us when we go back to that school is if we helped defend the USA from Darktan."

Herb rolled his eyes. He wished he could've done something to stop that evil insect, but Midas would never has listened to him. His obsession with gold was just to great. Now, all of the USA, and Antarctica for that matter might be doomed. Just then, he got an idea. Quickly he started drawing up a blueprint.

"Whatcha got there Herb?"

Putting on the finishing touches of the blueprint Herb blew the dust off his pencil. Gladly he handed it to Midas who looked at it curiously. Soon his step brother's eyes widened, and he stood up.

"You're a genius, Herb! Exactly what I had in -- wait, what? Whoa, no, man! That's not at all what I was thinking off! Oh, the disgrace, the shame!"

Herb rolled his eyes and flipped the blueprint upside-down.

"...what were you think -- oh, okay. Yeah, that's what we'll do today!"

Happily that he had finally convinced his brother to do something that would help Antarctica, Herb pulled out his toolbox. It was then that they acknowledged their puffle's disappearence.

"Good idea Herb. Hey, where's Perry?"

The pepperoni continued to fall from the skys. Craáin Sensei tried to use his Doom Weed Cards to stop them, but there were just to many. He kept trying anyways, but even he wasn't to sure it would work. The other minions would've laughed at him if it hadn't have been that they were to busy trying to avoid the falling buffet. Just then, things got even worse. Meatballs started falling down from the sky like Hail. Many of Darktan's minions tried to avoid them, but a few opened their mouths attempting to have a free meal.

"Why are you guys so afraid. We've eaten nothin but Unsalted Seaweed for Three whole Days. These Meatballs are delicious."

At this they all stopped running. Realising that this was their chance to get a free meal, they quickly pulled out plates, and started catching the food. Soon however more types of food came falling down. Icecream, Mullets, and lots of types of Candy fell straight down from the sky. The minions were having the time of their lives, while Darktan peaked out of the tent.

"I have a feeling something is making this happen, but why would they......"

Darktan stopped talking as he saw the Side of Good running away towards South Pole City. The Dark Leader growled with Anger.

"So they think just by giving my minions food that they'll give Triskelle time to escape! Well they thought wrong. MINIONS, I ORDER YOU TO CHASE AFTER THEM!"

None of them replied as they were to busy eating. Darktan just decided to leave them there for now as it was useless at the moment.

"Well I guess this isn't a total loss. After all, I still have the Shadow Amulet."

Mr Cow2,A NON-hungry minion, finished eating early. So he grabbed his jetpack and joined the penguin trio ready to take off.

Darktan floated back to the Estate waiting for this unusual storm to pass.

Luce, Kwiksilver, Mr Cow2 and The Kernel jetpacked through the Drilling Machine's tunnel.


The jetpacks coughed and spluttered, and the group of four slowly began to fall as the fuel ran out.

"Kernel!" yelled Luce, Mr Cow2 and Kwiksilver.

The Kernel smiled sheepishly.

"I say, fuel's hard ta get these days."

Kwiksilver was glum.

Mr Cow2 was annoyed.

"So we're all gonna die falling to the floor of a tunnel. Pathetic," he muttered.

The jetpacks exploded and they started falling to their deaths.

Luckily, their deaths never happened because at that moment a blue police box suddenly appeared in front of them.

It upended itself and the group of four fell into it.

A Sanity Human looked up from a glowing console at the four penguins sprawled on the metal floor in front of him.

The human was wearing a large trenchcoat and a suit and tie. He brushed back his messy brown hair in an attempt to straighten it, but it sprung back. He grinned.

"Hey there," said The Doctor.

A theme tune started to randomly play out of nowhere as Luce, Kwiksilver, Mr Cow2 and The Kernel got to their feet.

They were in a large, circular room. A console stood in the middle of it. The column in the middle of the console was going up and down. They were in flight.

300who tardis

The TARDIS interior.

"Prancing prominences! Kwiksilver, where in the name of the High Penguin Confederacy are we?" asked Luce, staring at Doctor Hickory Dickory Dock, who was rushing around the console, flipping levers and spinning dials.

"That is The Doctor and we're in his spaceship, the TARDIS," answered Kwiksilver.

The Kernel was confused.

"I say, I say, that blue box was mighty small! How'd we get in here?"

The Doctor responded without looking up.

"TARDIS. T-A-R-D-I-S. Stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. You see, it's bigger on the inside."

Kwiksilver bounded up to the console, where the Doctor was staring at a computer screen.

"So what's up, Doc?" he asked.

The Doctor looked over at him.

"Very funny. Well, I don't take sides, but the future is looking very bad for the side of good. I've got to get you to Ternville faster."

He pulled a random switch and Luce, The Kernel and Kwiksilver flew backwards.

The TARDIS was plunged into darkness and the whole room shook.

"Time Locked!" cried the Doctor over the noise.

"Time Locked?" cried the trio.

The lights went back on and the room stopped shaking.

"Time Locked." confirmed the Doctor.

Luce stood up.

"That's great. Now could somebody tell me what a Time Lock is?"

"A Time Lock," began the Doctor, "Is a sort of lock in the space-time continuum. Nobody can time travel to it. Mayor McFlapp has put a time lock on Ternville, probably to stop people from changing the pie war's outcome."

"This is ridiculous!" cried Luce, "I'm going back to the battle."

She stomped up to the door and struggled to open it.

Mr Cow2 blocked the entrance.

"I am so sorry, Luce," said The Doctor sadly. "Until somebody lifts the Time Lock, we're stuck here."

"So we just sit around and do nothing?"

"That's as good as it gets."

Kwiksilver walked up to the Doctor and handed him a banana. He threw bananas to The Kernel, Mr Cow2 and Luce, and started peeling one for himself.

"So what's the chance of getting out?" he asked.

"Well," said the Doctor,"The chances are pretty improbable."

"Hold on" said Mr Cow2 "I got this."

Mr Cow2 pulled a paper clip out of the circuit board of his jetpack.

He started to hack the time lock.

Sub-Chapter Fifteen and a Half: What's MAI got to do with this?[]

In MAI, no one has noticed the battle, until...

"Sir! Some Abyss Knight just blew up our embassy near South Pole City." exclaimed an officer.

"WHAT?!?" Alex12345a had been shocked by the news.

"Yes, sir. Currently, The Good Guys and the rest of the Antarctica are trying to stop Darktan's forces."

"Hmm... send 3000 soldiers immediately! I order them to be seized!"

"ARE YOU MAD? HE HAS AN ARMY OF A MILLION!" the stupdified advisor screamed with his flippers raised up high.

"Help The Good Guys. Our embassy cost a fortune! And my precious diamond is in there! It cost me several pebbles to get it off the auction. And that Darktan guy keeps irratating me."

"What do we need, sir?"

"Get the special pie bombs we had stored in. All 1,009,264 of them. And buy me an OxiPie. Use it among the bomb."

"But what does all those pie bombs have? What special power?"

"They have a special energy inside which at a certain point will blow up rapidly and cause blueberries to be splattered all over the face. It's very hot, and no penguin could stand it! The only thing they could do is "roll in the snow", heh heh."

"Heh heh. Heh Heh." joked the advisor.

The pie bombs had arrived in South Pole City. The army of three thousand had used five military planes along for their transportation. However, the pilots confused "Near Penguville" with "Near Pengu Town". When they arrived, they looked around, baffled.

One soldier asked "Where's Darktan?"

Another added "Yeah. And why isn't there any sign of war?"

An unusally skinny one replied that Darktan may have lost and everyone should return home. The troops headed back to the fighter jets until they noticed a sign. It read:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|                  Welcome to Pengu Town                      |
|Our <s>country</s> town is safe in the flippers of Bob McGoo.|
|Do not worry about any conflict. We do have a strong army.   |
|If you would like to buy a [[Judgie]], call 62-781-9090-5410 |
|                                Pengu Town and Capital Board |
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ |

They then realized what the'yve done and instructed the pilots to take them to Penguville.

Chapter Fifteen and the other half: Technological[]

At Freezeland, ZapWire's house was bombarded with pies.

"Hey! I paid good money for those windows!"

ZapWire got in a spare suit, and started up this huge machinge gun, loaded with computer viruses imported directly from the Dorkugese Jungle.

Darktan had just entered his room and he floated towards a green mirror that appeared on the wall. It flashed many colors and two menacing red eyes appeared in it.

"I have tried to do what you've told me your greatness, but I can't seem to win."

The mirror chuckled and then looked seriously at Darktan.

"Don't tell me I've trained you this much just to have you give up my apprentice. In order to fully defeat them you must strike were it will hurt the most."

Darktan bowed and then looked towards the mirror again.

"And what is that great master?"

"You should know my descendant. After all, he is an old friend."

Darktan growled and his eyes started to glow.

"Triskelle! Yes that is it. I shall asume the Maledict form and get rid of him once and for all."

"No! Not yet Darktan. Have I taught you nothing? You must wait until the right moment, and then strike."

Darktan stood up and looked curiously at the mirror.

"And when is that master?"

The mirror laughed and then the eyes started to glow even more.

"Trust me my apprentice. When the time is right, you'll know. You are the last remaining descendant of me, so it is your duty to finish what I started all those years ago. Before Triskelle was even born."

Mr Cow2 started to fly to Darktan's location.

Darktan grinned and the amulet started to glow, and dark purple gas surrounded it.

"I will personally take care of it. Once the member of the prophecy is killed they will have no hope. Then I will take care of Triskelle."

" I will help too Darktan" Mr Cow2

The mirror flashed a dark black color and the red eyes became more visible than ever.

"I have trained you well over the years my apprentices. If I could only get out of this vortex."

"Oh don't worry master. I will personally get you out of that place once I take control of Antarctica. Yes, I will do just that, Opacus."

The eyes in the mirror faded away, and Darktan bowed one last time. The penguin then got up and walked away.

"EAT MALWARE!" ZapWire confidently shouted.

The machine gun quickly ran out of ammo, after hitting about 100 Doom Knights.

His arch nemesis appeared.

"Hi Jacker Jack."


Hi-Jiacker was swinging VGA cables like a lasso.

ZapWire was reloading the gun.

Jack flang the cables like a whip, missing ZapWire by a few centimetres.

Zap held the trigger for as long as possible. Hi-Jacker could not take the ammo much longer.

He collapsed.