Club Penguin Fan Universe
Great Darktonian Pie War
Read all the chapters!

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19

See other features!

Archived Inclusions
Story Structure
Spin-off Game

This is the Chapter 14 of the Great Darktonian Pie War.

Chapter Fourteen: Bugzy's "Golden" Touch[]

The sun shone brilliantly up near Club Penguin. Two penguins could be seen sitting beneath a pine tree.

"We have exactly 195 days, nineteen hours, twentey four minutes and thirteen seconds before we must head back to advanced school. The first thing they'll ask us is what we did through the break. So, is there anything you have in mind?"

The first penguin turned on a nearby radio.

"Dagor Dagorath is still raging down in the valleys. Any able bodied (or not) penguin should head down there and defend the nations from an onsluaght of evil. Now here's Mister Tayto with the weather!"

The radio was switched off.

The penguin stood up and shouted.


The other penguin nodded and pulled out a massive blueprint for a kiesh-based machine gun the size of a polar bear.

"Yep. That's it."

Midas smiled. They had work to do.

Midas and Herb were now hauling their keish-cannon across Antarctica in a special vehicle they built. Midas was loudly singing the USA national anthem, while Herb was humming that odd tune his species so often did.

After a while, they had to pull their vehicle over to get some diesal fuel.

"Herb, you stay here and prevent any Dark minions from stealing the cannon. I'll go get the fuel."

Herb nodded, closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

As Midas hopped down, a shady figure came out the convienence store of the gas station and approached the small nerd.

"Yo little parody. Sup."

Midas turned to face the shady character. As he stepped out, Midas was surprised.

"SWEET SCHEMATICS ABOVE! A giant cockroach!"

Bugzy cringed, but regained his compsosure.

"I've hoid that you got a nice kapeesh cannon."

"My parents tell me not to talk to strangers."

Bugzy frowned.

"I ain't no stranger. The name's Bugzy."

Midas tilted his head a bit.

"Huh, that is a circa-1990s mobster hat, found on the heads of infamous cri-"

Very Angry Bugzy

You shouldn't give Bugzy that look Herb

Bugzy suplexed onto Midas and slammed him against the conviencene store wall. His glasses fell off. Herb ran over to help his step brother, but Bugzy grabbed him as well and then put him down next to Midas. The beet;e then pulled out two Hot Sauce Guns and held them up in the air.


Bugzy realized that the now-trembling Midas and Herb were observing and had no clue about the UPM.

"Sorry... I take offense to people insulting my fly hat."

Midas stood up and dusted his robe off. He still lacked his glasses. He started wondering around looking for them.

Bugzy picked up the spectacles and took the oppurtunity to do some, um, research on the penguin. He grabbed his microphone.

"Yo yo yo, it's tha boss here. I need you to hijack the EPF documents on a Dorkugese penguin in an orange and white robe, with red hair and a pointed beak."

"I can dig it." the line on the other end commented.

GANGSTA G quickly logged onto his Penguin OS computer. Typing in a few commands and entering his password, GG managed to hijack the Secret Agency's servers. He found one on Midas.

"Bugzy, I got the dirt. The kid's name is Midas Aurumen. His stepbrother is Herbford Tacet. I have some sales records here saying that they've bought and sold, get this dawg, 'submarines, iron, steel, nucear power generators, seven cases of plutonium-244, railroads tassels, twenty different building permits, paint, a snowcone machine, a Thank You card', and that's just the firt paragraph."

"Anything I can actually USE?"

"Yep. Says here he's got a gold obbsession."

"Hmm... that'll work."

Bugzy turned to Midas.

"Hey kid! I found your glasses!"

Midas put them back on and started waddling off.

"Hey, wait! I got somethin' for yah!"

Midas cringed and waddled faster.

"It's yellow... and shiny..."

Midas stopped.


He turned around and ran back to Bugzy, who now had a crate standing near him (brought by UPM minions).

"Yep. Nice and metallic."

Midas' eyes widened. Bugzy snickered and pulled out a gold ingot. Midas started drooling.

"Gold gold gold...." Midas muttered to himself. Suddenly, he shook his body like mad.

"No! I must resist helping shifty characters..."

"Oooh, looks like about forty pounds of solid precious metal here..."

Midas continued to resist.

"Yep... don't want it to go to waste... yepp, this shiny, gleaming, high quality-"

"GOLD!!!" Midas screamed, sucummbing to the urge for the metal. "Gimme gimme gimme!!"

Herb stirred in his sleep.

Midas started jumping up and down, trying to reach for the gold that Bugzy was now holding high above him. He took several more ingots, much to Midas' awe, and juggled them with some of his appendages.

"So, I've heard ya got a nice kapeesh cannon..."

Midas nodded feverishly.


Bugzy tossed Midas some gold.

"Good penguin. Now, what are ya plannin' to do with it?"


Bugzy gave more gold to Midas and patted the drooling penguin on the head.

"That's a good boid. Now, may I have this cannon?"

Suddenly, Herb shot up out of his seat and hopped down just in time to see Midas about to hand a contract to Bugzy. Taking some flags out of his pocket, he started signalling to Midas. He waved some of his special signals he devised to alert Midas of his obbsessive actions.

Midas snapped out of it for a second (much to Bugzy's annoyance), seeing Herb waving a yellow flag with the pebble currency annotation on it.

"What? I was about to sign over a weapon to a villain?"

Herb nodded.

Midas was about to comment when Bugzy took out ten more ingots and started juggling them, too.

Herb slapped his flipper against his face and took out the Flag of the Darktonian Realm. He waved it like a Khanzem soldier would at a ceremony.

"WHAT? He works for- gold gold gold ggggooooolllllldddddd". Midas had just spotted the crate of gold ingots.

Herb sighed and put the flags away. He couldn't stop Midas now.

Bugzy tossed all of the gold onto a wagon and gave it to Midas. Midas, in exchange, gave Bugzy a contract granting him full use and distribution of the kiesh weapon. Using his strength, the beetle lifted the entire machine gun off its vehicle and flew off, leaving Midas with the crates of gold where the weapon once sat and Herb sighing and shaking his head.

Bugzy rang up Darktan on his microphone headset.

"Darky, I've got a new weapon for you."

"Excellent." Darktan laughed his trademark laugh over the phone.

Bugzy hung up, switched frequencies, and rang up the anonymous teller.

In the National Antarctic Bank, the teller and another, larger bird were sitting behind the counter. Both wore purple MMK cloaks to disguise themselves.

Just then, the phone rang.

The larger bird answered. "Hello?"

"Yo, Bugzy here. Tell dat propeller dawg dat I've got whut he's lookin' for."

The bird nodded, hung up, and pulled back his hood. The other did the same.

They were Mayor McFlapp and Explorer!

"Did he intercept the cannon?" asked the light blue Adelie.

"Yes, sah, he certainly did! Wot wot!" replied McFlapp.

"Excellent!" Explorer chuckled. With that, he took off his propeller hat and began twirling the rotor nonchalantly. "Being his neighbor, I knew Midas would fall for any amount of gold. That plot twist was an excellent idea, Mayor."

"Ho, no, 'twasn't my idea!" said the Mayor.

"Then whose was it?" said Explorer, surprised.

"'Twas Director Benny's."

The two burst into laughter and left the bank.