Club Penguin Fan Universe
Great Darktonian Pie War
Read all the chapters!

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19

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Archived Inclusions
Story Structure
Spin-off Game

This is the Chapter 12 of the Great Darktonian Pie War.

Chapter Twelve: Fire![]

The Giant Pen moved up to the wall of South Pole City. Triskelle and McFlapp armed themselves.

"Wot? Thats not a flippin' pie!" McFlapp ranted to Triskelle, seeing the object he had in his right flipper.

"I know," Triskelle said. "Amulets arent out of the picture, seeing as Darkey has one."

Triskelle had actually brought every amulet, except Shadow and Light, with him. He slipped them around his neck.

Mayor McFlapp then gave orders to the defenders' army.

"All right, you bally bunglers, wot! You're here to PWN, not nap, so stay alert! Look out for sneak attacks and any bally pies that come flyin' at ya! No talking in the ranks, no stepping out of line, the sort. Any questions?"

No flippers came up.

"All right!" cried the Mayor. "Mini-cannons, you there, yes, you, on top of the bloomin' clock tower, you're our anti-aircraft artillery, wot! Wall cannons! Defend at short range! Repeating trebuchets and ballistas! Defend at long range, just shoot any ol' flippin' stuff at the foebirds, wot! Slow 'em down, eh? Infantry! Move out an' spread, cover the grounds on top o' the hill and and hold the foebirds there! Pie Tanks! Support the infantry, wot! Giant Pen! Err.... just move around the enemy lines, trample the foebirds, squirt ink, the like. Any last words, Chief?"

Triskelle nodded and turned to the army.

"FORBERED FOR SLAG!" he yelled.

"PREPARE FOR BATTLE, WOT!" McFlapp translated.

"Hmmm...." Darktan said, pacing back and forth. "We are losing. We must retreat. Aha, but they wont be much without their precious capital, will they?" He said to a Mwa Mwa Penguin.

"Otay. Wes swir!" said the loonie.

Darktan called a break with the referee. The referee agreed.

None of them knew that it would be the biggest mistake of their lives...

Troops were loaded into helicopters, and they flew to USA. As Guymed approached his helicopter, he started to think, "Is it Darktan, really Darktan? Can we save the penguin who once was from the evil spirit? What are we doing?" The Republic of Guymed's president kept mumbling on until he reached his chopper, and took off. They soon entered the battle airspace.

"Target locating at... 3, 4, BREAK LEFT!"

A pilot was hit with a large blast of fruit. The fruit jammed in the rotors as the pilot went down. He crash-landed, but lived.

"Ready penguins? Flippers down! Oraah!" a marine commander shouted. The helis landed onto the battlefield, and waved his arm in a motion saying "Grab your snowballs and snowguns!".

FW had joined the fight. The mighty Frosian Wariors had landed to help in the battle against Darktan. Soldiers picked up their PM1 and BA1 and charged.

FW got closer as Guymed met with one of the captains.

"They have stopped fighting, for some odd reason. We already know that they know they are losing," the official said.

"Really? Well, they must have something planned out." Guymed replied.

Mayor McFlapp watched the entire affair through a pair of binoculars. Putting the binoculars down, he signaled to his secretary, Becky.

"Yes, Mr. Mayor?" asked Becky as she walked up to McFlapp.

"Fly up t' the bally air base, eh, Becky?" replied the Mayor. "Meet with Admiral Gee again; treewalloper now, eh? Can you do it for me?"

"Consider it done, Mayor!" Becky said brightly. Two seconds later she was well up in the air, heading for the mass of clouds that hovered to the side of the battle.

The Kernel's cellar shook. Rocks and icicles fell from the ceiling as a giant drilling machine burst through the wall.

The shaking stopped.

Kwiksilver jumped out of the machine. The Kernel had his mouth open and was in shock.

"Mah...mah celluh! Y'all gone and blown a hole in it!"

"Would your task not have been easier, and hastier, if ye had took the route past Kentucky Kernel's abode?" asked Luce, annoyed.

"More dramatic," answered Kwiksilver, "Anyway, why am I here?"

"We are gathered hear too answer the threat of Darktan," said Luce, "Finwë, my predecessor as keeper, had not the time to teach me the art of the Brilliance, the Maledict's polar opposite."

"I'm in that thar prophecy?" The Kernel asked.

Both nodded.

"Well I be fried and covered in oysters."

"Then why don't you do it, and end the war?" Kwiksilver chimed in.

"I cannot. The Prophecy states that the three all of us are eligible to defeat Darktan, shall we not all do our job? Have any of you experienced anything 'funny', as the modern chicks say?"

"I say, I say, I've got a flipper salvilatin' good one!" cried The Kernel, "Two puffles walk into a bar-"

"Fool of a lower.. Not the 'ha ha' kind of funny, but an odd or queer sensation," said Luce.

Kwiksilver spoke.

"Ever since I've been born, I've heard this weird beat in my head. Just a soft beat. I'll tap it out."

He tapped his feet on the ground in a beat.

"I say, that there beat sounds like the song, Peanut Butter Jelly Time!" said the Kernel.

"Peanut Butter what?" asked Luce and Kwiksilver at the same time.

"Ya'll never heard of it? It's the craze, I say the craze that's sweepin' Antarctica. An internet phenomon, that is."

The Kernel snatched Kwiksilver's Icepod and speakers. He plugged them into a power socket.

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!

Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!

Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!

The rest of the song was drowned out when a burst of light lit up the room like a camera flash.

High up on Ternville's solitary air base, Admiral Gee finished talking with Becky and silently dismissed her. He then turned to the group of pilots standing eagerly before him.

"All right, you," the admiral ordered gruffly. "You've probably seen that there battle those penguins are fightin' below, and Mayor McFlapp has just given us an executive order to help with the war. Here is a diagram of the designated attack manuever, codenamed 'Treewalloper'."

Admiral Gee took out a holographic projector and displayed a 3-D diorama of the planned aerial offense.

"You're t' drive the enemy forces towards South Pole City," grunted the admiral as he pointed to different locations on the diagram. "Rain missiles of any sort on the baddies, whatever you like. It shouldn't be too hard to get them t' move; according to our intelligence, they have already planned to attack the capital. The Mayor has set up an army at South Pole City, complete with artillery, so when you see them fire, fly to a higher altitude and drop bombs on the enemy. Take care not to hit the wrong side or the city itself. We'll send over choppers with extra ammunition half an hour after the initiation confirmation signal. That's all there is to it; any questions?"

The pilots all shook their heads.

"All right then," shouted the admiral as he pressed a button and opened the hangar door, "let's move, move, MOVE!"

The pilots rushed to their fighters, hopped in, and closed the cockpit. Half a minute later, a group of white planes were soaring over the battlefield, each with the words "Air Force of Ternville" painted on its side.

The light slowly toned down until a yellow penguin engulfed in light could be seen floating in the middle of the cellar. It finally spoke.

"You summoned me?"

"Saint Finwe!" gasped Luce, "You've got to help us! Darktan's going to transform any time soon and I have no idea how to become the Brilliance!"

"Darktan? Oh, him," Saint Finwe said, "You need to find the last vial of High Penguin Swimming Pool Water."

"Swimming pool water? The dew from The Two Trees?"

"Got it in one. It's what I used to transform for the first time. After that, it becomes easy."

"Where is the vial?" asked Luce.

Finwe paused for a bit, then spoke again.

"Half of the water is in Arda, guarded by High Penguins. The other half is in Mayor McFlapp's office in Ternville."

"I say we go for Mayor McFlapp's vial," said Kwiksilver, "Arda is too far away. Besides, I have a tunnel that leads straight to the battlefield."

"Yeah, but it will take ages to get there! Your drilling machine took 30 minutes to get here!" replied Luce, "We'd need jetpacks to go that fast!"

There was a cough. Kwiksilver and Luce spun around. The Kernel had five jetpacks hung up on a wall.

"I bought 'em ta deliver fish."

Kwiksilver and Luce smiled sheepishly.

There was another flash. They spun around again. Saint Finwe was gone.

"Well, let's go!" cried The Kernel.

At the FAAA agency headquarters,

"Okay, we need to close down South Pole City International Airport. Now." said Sancho Monte Captio, watching the news

"Why?" said Rebecca, his assistant

"Because one of the planes were destroyed by one of Darktan's Knights!" responded Sancho Monte Captio

"Okay, go contact South Pole Tower, Ground, Approach, Center..." said Rebecca

"No. That takes way too long. The guy at Approach speaks so slow..."said Sancho

"Then, what to do?" asked Rebecca,

"Call the Tower, they'll do it." said Sancho

"South Pole Tower, this is Freeze-Alpha-Alpha-Alpha-One, close airport now, divert approach traffic to Glassyglow Approach." Sancho called

"Roger." said the Supervisor

"How about departures?" asked the Supervisor

"Cancel all departing flights. Now" ordered Sancho

Soon, enough the airport closed, all runways, too. None of the fighter jets or helicopters had anywhere else to land now,