Club Penguin Fan Universe

All parties in the matter of Court House case "Bill Gates VS. Other Folks", come forward.

Bill Gates, you may write your side of the case in the section "Plaintiff". Follow the guidelines of the Court House as you do so. Other Folks, you may do the same in the section "Defendant".

For those of you in the audience who wish to comment on the case, do so in the section "Judge & Jury".


I, Willam Henry Gates III, am hereby prosecuting Billy Fence the First for using my name for libel purposes in order to profit from it and my success.

I acknowledge the defendent was actually granted this name at birth, but to use it in such a way as to rule a country with a (admirable) tyrannical fist is against my rights as an American Antarctican civillian. I hold claim to all computer based things under "Bill Gates", and this wannabe in a tacky penguin costume comes and uses his conviently parody-sounding name to take over a nation of technological advancements, pretending to be me, or at least me in a lame penguin costume?

No! He is using me, ladies and gentlemen (in tacky penguin costumes) of the jury! Just because I have amassed a technological fortune by putting a PC on every desk, does that give a man the right to impersonate me? ---

William H. Gates III, Founder and CEO of Microsoft, Inc. $$$ Show me the money!! READ MY EULA, CLICK AGREE!

Response to Explorer[]

I'm sick of these stupid costumes! Seriously, just because you live in Antarctica does not mean you must dress as Penguins? So you avoided the Antarctic Preservation Treaty of 1913? Big bytes! I did too! I don't dress as a penguin!

Besides, this is what a penguin acts like! Natural! Penguins don't talk or build machines! In fact, they don't have THUMBS! Why would you want to be such a primitive creature that doesn't have THUMBS?! It's stupid!

Besides, I only came here to escape- wait, never mind. Whew, thank wallets no antitrust lawyers saw that...

I hate cute things. I hate penguins, I hate puppies, I hate Macintoshes. They're just so cute! BLEH!

Penguins are stupid. They can't even fly, yet taxonomists classify them as birds. Yes, they are ANATOMICALLY birds, but they don't deserve it. So they can swim? Big deal. I can swim in my private jet's swimming pool anytime I want.

They're primitive. A penguin's brain is about the size of a baseball. How can such a dumb creature have the sentience to teleport?!

Bah, I'll just buy the lawsuit and win it that way.

William H. Gates III, Founder and CEO of Microsoft, Inc. $$$ Show me the money!! READ MY EULA, CLICK AGREE!

This calls for boots, wot! Bally "I love Penguin OS" boots, wot wot! --Mayor McFlapp

RE: Insult[]

You seriously take this penguin thing to far. Really, just take off the costumes.

Even if you ARE super-penguins, you still have brains the size of a baseball, and you STILL lack thumbs.

If you excuse me, I've got a lawsuit to settle. Mister Fence, you better have a good lawyer. Higher court! ...preferably one with THUMBS!

William H. Gates III, Founder and CEO of Microsoft, Inc. $$$ Show me the money!! READ MY EULA, CLICK AGREE!

- William H Gates III (who has thumbs)
YAH, SHUSH BEFORE WE RIOT!!! WE'RE TELLIN' ON YA!!!!! --Random Penguin 4
Mr. Gates, stop this costume nonsense and discrimination, or so help me (I love that phrase), I will order a warrant for your arrest. Furthermore, the agents arresting you will be Trans-Antarctican miners, who dig up more currency daily than you can earn in one month. The South Pole Council has the support of the President, the Masters of the Universe, and the general public, so I would advise you to comply. --Freddell Explorer Antics VII (MATH RULES3!!!)
I would also advise you not to attempt a transaction with any of Trans-Antarctica's mines. The local residents have fiery personalities and are very tough, and I'm not sure bargaining with them is the best idea.... --Freddell Explorer Antics VII (MATH RULES3!!!)

RE: Mines[]

First off, I don't understand why you obsess over penguins.

Anyway, I just received a letter from the mines.

Dear Gates:

Thank you for discussing retirement plans with us. With your donations to our employee paychecks, we now have enough money to send most of our fellow miners home with their families. They all wanted to say "thank you", and we were sorry for doubting you just because you were human.

We can't even EXPRESS our gratitude for the machines we were so kindly gifted, and will gladly repay you by any means. You have the region's eternal gratitude, thank you sir, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I want you to have this: it's the deed to an old mine that we never really had that much use for. Though it's not much, we honestly hope that you will value this property and mine it gently, because, as you know, good donor, all that glitters can make the soil not shiny. In short, be careful! Don't dig too quickly or you'll wreck the environment!

We penguins respect our mining grounds, and we hope you will do the same.

Please, Mister Gates, promise us that you'll respect this land and extract its loot with honor.

I can't express my gratitude without becoming teary. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INVESTING IN OUR EMPLOYEE'S FUTURE!

-Jonathan E. Shuttlefeller

Ha! You must be penguins, I just donated about a hundred million worth of my cash (three months' salary) to those idiot miners! Who says money can't buy happiness?

Anyway, so I had a bunch of minions tear that land they gave me to shreds. I don't care about the environment, just the money beneath it.

"Please, Mister Gates, promise us that you'll respect this land and extract its loot with honor."

^ Yeah right. I can't believe they actually thought I'd do that with that mine.

Oh well, baseball sized brains, lack of thumbs... what did you expect?

So, I tore up that "precious land" and found DIAMONDS. Not zirconium, either. I checked. Apparently, this wasteland was volcanic at some time. Did you know that, penguin?

So, I did a little research on diamonds and found that. Sure, they're yellow, decreasing their quality, but with a good bit of cash I'll edit that in a lab.

So most of them are speckled, big deal! A good lab will clear them up.

Those diamonds are cheap when sold as-is, but with a little lab enhancement, I can make them SPARKLE. I hope you know a good jeweller, because only a true, TRUE expert will discern MY diamonds from pure ones. Do you know an expert jeweller?

Mister Antics, I hope you're aware that with my money (and deluxe bank accounts off-shore), I can do most anything. I can make lower quality diamonds perfect, I can buy a mine with nothing, I can bribe your precious friends if I've got the dough... speaking of bribe, I payed this ridiculous animatronic tortoise about a hundred thousand dollars to allow my monetary transactions through some tropical islland.

With 10,000 to a stereotypical Japanese elder with glasses, I received four percent of stock in his tutoring firm, drawing me five hundred of your currency a day.

To a shady oar-weilding guy in some nerd world, 20,000 in currency for an unmonitored bank account.

To some rejoiceful freak in a sash, I sent 100,000 in charity to some relief fund for "special penguins" like himeslf (idiot), and I was granted tax exemption in that reigon. Apparently, he's a dictator. Who knew? Heh heh. To top it off, he promised me a lifetime supply of dougnuts.

In exchange for a vow to burn certain white chocloate bars upon seeing, I was granted tax exemption in the nation by this hideous creature in a judge's robe.

I had a messenger deliver 500,000 in currency (and a promise to monitor all mail from some Mayor McFlapp|thing with a weird accent]]) to a living yellow furball in exchange for turning a blind eye on my business tactics.

Sadly, I tried to buy a nice big boat from this king in a HUGE blue coat, so that I could have a mobile headquarters, but he threw me out of his nation and told me that if I ever came back, I'd be locked in a dungeon.

I also wanted a nice musical instrument for my breakfast nook, so I offered two million for this fancy organ from that weird bird, but he zapped me with electricity.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I am awesome, I have thumbs, and I hate puppies.

All of the above manuvers executed flawlessly, and I sgined contracts.

Good luck, Antics Brothers, this is EXACTLY what I did in my home nation to achieve GLOBAL COMPUTE DOMINENCE!!


William H. Gates III, Founder and CEO of Microsoft, Inc. $$$ Show me the money!! READ MY EULA, CLICK AGREE!

This Lawsuit? A meer disguise.[]

This lawsuit? A meer disguise. Right now, I just secured a deal with a "Micro Hard and Soft. 51% in stock. I run the business now. Wealth, HERE I COME!

Aren't I just the most cunning person ever? That incredible tightfisted furball (Mabel, I do believe) thinks I am awesome. My autograph is in her inventory.

Mabel likes me. See? shows recording of Mabel laughing with Gates and commending him for his evil deception

Whoops, I'm late for a clan meeting. I signed up, you know!

Yours Truly,

William H. Gates III, Founder and CEO of Microsoft, Inc. $$$ Show me the money!! READ MY EULA, CLICK AGREE!

Explorer and Minions' Responses[]

  • This is as far as stupidoes go.... tacky penguin costumes? We think you have a tacky human costume! And don't you try to buy your way outta this one. There are no operating systems here owned by any "Bill Gates"; you have Windows and we have Doors. Doors is in no way a competitor to Windows, as the two are used in entirely different countries, both of which don't know anything about the other. Billy here is not using your name or impersonating you to rule Dorkugal; he was elected by a Supercomputer. Also, 75% of the population here hasn't even heard of you, so how can there be any competition? Billy was here first, and you were in America first. Go back to your own land or something, nerd. We don't like humans sneaking in here and buying all of our technology; we wish to keep our rights to extremely intelligent AI supercomputers and the teleporter, thank you very much! --Explorer 767

  • We, citizens of Antarctica, are not bribed by your cash! I for one, am not. Money can't buy everything. Sure, you got Mabel, but who really cares? Mayor McFlapp can erase you with one tap of his organ. Get out of here, Gates, or I'll come after you.-Kwiksilver

  • Look at this! LOOK AT THIS!

News Headline: After being bought by the rumored-human buisnessman Bill Gates, the second-best mine in Trans-Antarctica collapsed when the modernized drilling machines introduced by Gates fried and fell into the mine shoring. Penguin miners all over the state are extremely unhappy about this. In fact, that was an understatement. Part of the Antarctic Express has closed down, and an avalanche has happened near the ruins of Permothylae Pass, causing several snowstorms in nearby South Pole City and Blizzardville. Furthermore, the mine's collapse has caused a 12% crash in the stock market, and inflation has risen about 20%. The dirtied soil has brought down local O' Berry Bush polulations down by 34%, and local Antarctic poppy levels have gone down by 23%. One third of the local puffle population has had to move to Eastshield. The state politicians have issued a warrant for Gates's arrest, making Trans-Antarctica the second region of Antarctica, after Freezeland, to reject the now-mistrusted buisnessman.
(P.S. Weather forecast for tomorrow: Expect several mobs and raining boots of doom.)


(P.S. Mayor McFlapp, if you still have those Rainin' Boots o' Doom, now is the time.)

This is an outrage Bill gates I'm gonna draw a mustache on your face *Draws mustache on face* BWAHAHA THAT WAS A BROW PEN IT STAYS ON FOREVER (unless you shave it) BWAHAHAH Tails6000

  • Mister Gates, I'll have you know that I am as rich as you. I can do just about as much as you can with money. I have very high relations. They're so high that you can't even imagine how high they are. They can erase your existence with one movement, bury you in an avalanche of raining boots in two seconds, and give you bad luck for the rest of your life. I am also a government politician. I run the government of one of the USA's states (in which you are now banned from), and I am in the national legislature. Furthermore, I have just bribed all the trading centers in the Antarctic Peninsula and all companies in Eastshield to not accept transactions of any kind involving you, in exchange for a monthly 10,000 radian fund per company/trading center. (That's equal to 180,000 gold coins per buisness, or 3,600,000 pebbles.) I have also notified your doings to a close friend of mine that is the ruler of another Antarctic state. You are now banned in Freezeland, Trans-Antarctica, Sub-Antarctica, the Happyface State, and Ternville. Furthermore, you cannot make any transactions of any kind in the Antarctic Peninsula or Eastshield. Finally, penguin tempers all over Antarctica are beginning to rise. I do happen to know an expert jeweller, and if you try to sell any of those faked diamonds, I'll track your transaction and intervene. By then, I'm pretty sure my brother can organize a government-approved protest mob. And remember, Gates.... I'm always watching you. If you need anything, I'll be on the porch. --Explorer Freddell Antics XIII (TALK 2 ME!!!)

Not so fast. I hired a really gullible lawyer.

Also recall that I still own the rights to the diamond mine, 51% of Micro Hard and Soft, have tax exemption in the entire country, and can make any transaction I please on that island, in Khan world, and the nerd world as well.

My stock in that elder-nerd guy just increased thirty-fold. Unless you can convince that (twelve year old) kid to withdraw in this investment, I will continue to rake in 15,000 of your currency daily.

Remember how I had a messenger deliver 500,000 (and a promise) in currency to a living yellow furball? Yeah, he's promised me that he will prevent the shoes and the deletion with your organ.... wait, organ? What is this, the 1800s? Organs are stupid! They're good for horror movies and breakfast nooks, that's about it. I wanted it for decoration. To have it a central figure in a business or corporation, or whatever those Masters are? Bleh. Wake up and smell the synthesizers. Wait, didn't my lawyer have an obbsession with organs? ...*gulp*

Thank microchips I scribbled that out.

As for the minors, I was forced to pay FOUR MILLION in compensation to repair their precious land and railroads and blah blah blah!!

Grrr!!! If there's one thing I hate, that's FINES! Bleh! I had to pay those miners? GAH, what a waste of cash, to fix the environment! I hate fines, insurance, compensation, EMPLOYEE VACATION TIME and taxes! I also hate WGA violaters, AND PUPPIES! ...not to mention apples, Apple proucts, nature (it's in the way of business), penguins, antitrust.........................................................

...Now I'll have to pay money in silence fees, media biasing..... money money money... I'll be down to my last twenty billion...

Anyway, who is this "expert jeweller" anyway?


William H. Gates III, Founder and CEO of Microsoft, Inc. $$$ Show me the money!! READ MY EULA, CLICK AGREE!

Xavier, me lad, can I borrow your hammer-whackey yoke? Im going to whack this Billy chap in ta kingdom come if he doesnt shut his gob. I can go Human too, y'know, Gates. I'd be after watching yeself If I was the likes of yous..

-- Triskelle

  • Mister Gates, it appears you don't know how much I can do with money. Let me give you a list:
    • Bribed the Board of Fiction with 20,000,000 radians to put said living furball on probation, while refusing to accept any money from you or your relations. Expect those boots anytime soon, Mister Gates.
    • Paid a good friend of mine to be my lawyer. At least I tried to pay him. He seems to want the job for free. I am warning you, Mister Gates, I've seen this fellow debate many times. If your lawyer is a tornado, my lawyer is a hurricane!
    • Informed some fierce illeist warrior dude that you wrecked one of his biggest stock investments (remember that mine?). Since said twelve-year-old kid isn't the ruler of Khan land yet, I would advise you to stay away from Khan land for now. Oh, and as a gift, I left 1,000,000 Khans (Khan land currency) on his doorstep.
    • Paid a hysterical yellow penguin 80,000 to ruin your best suits.... and scribble on your currency. Try transacting with some of that!
    • And you know what's the best part? My band's newest album and cross-country tour repaid all my debit.... plus 45%. *grins* I love being rich!
    • About that jeweller.... why should I tell you? Old friend of my dad's, used to be our butler. Nice guy, he was.

Finally, Mister Gates, I am very famous with the public. I have paparazzi and fans everywhere. I can make them do anything I want, like getting me a milkshake, chasing Mabel, carrying me on their shoulders, chasing Mabel, saying "Grub!", and chasing Mabel. I can even organize mobs, you know.

I would advise you to stay away from vacationing in the Sub-Antarctic Islands, since I banned you from going there. Let's see, in which states are you banned?

  1. Freezeland
  2. Trans-Antarctica
  3. Sub-Antarctic
  4. Happyface State
  5. Pengolia
  6. Antarctic Peninsula (only from making transactions)
  7. Eastshield (only from making transactions)
  8. Ternville (not a state, but you're still banned)

Hmmm.... I would try to be more careful if I were you, Mister Gates. Ta-ta for now. --Explorer Freddell Antics XIII (TALK 2 ME!!!)

I see you're a very tight-fisted businessman, Mister Antics. Costume or not, this is going to be a good fight... kind of like I did in the 90s with those lawyers.....

I too have made some preperations you'll find interesting.

  • I hired a living vacuum to suck up and spit out your angry mob of papparazzi or fans, for 100 coins a month. He can inhale tenty thousand penguins at once. Twenty Thousand, Mister Antics. You'd have to be the Jonas Brothers to maul me with more fans at once than that. Spitting out that many fans would be painful to you AND them. You don't want to hurt your fans, do you? I believe that a privateer has more fans than you, anyway.

  • I rented a powerful machine for a Radian a day, in case you DO have more fans than the vacuum can handle. He zaps people with bolts of painful electricity. At a rate of five hundred bolts a second, he can take down about 30000 fans/paparazzi every hour (most bolts miss).

  • I met a senior citizen and convinced him to nagging about how annoying you are, for FREE. My research says he is hard to get rid of, even WITH an organ.

  • That nerd-elder-shougun kid's stock has again increased, and this time it doubled. 30,000 in currency, DAILY. I'm thinking about buying his company... kind of like what Google did to YouTube...... he may look like a Japanese elder, but he sure is one dumb kid.

  • Some crazy penguin demanded my autograph, and after paying 1,000,000 coins, he got it. So I have a litle cash boost!

  • Furthermore, I can still make full transactions through the nerd world, and these can be sent out to the rest of the world from there or the tropical island.

-Bill Gates

Blah blah blah. What a puny move, Mister Gates. I'll take over from here.

  • My fans are uncountable. I have over 1 Billion of them, and they don't tire easily...
  • Finally, I've received a notice from the Board of Fiction. They say the boots are ready and that we can drop them tomorrow. I would suggest buying an umbrella, Mister Gates....
  • The best part? Snowtendo and some other video games companies just paid me 120% of my spendings for using me in some band new video game. Hah!
    • ....and guess what? That same guy who wanted your autograph wanted mine, too! He had to pay 10% of what I earned in the above note, though. This just gets better and better....

Yours "Falsely", Explorer 767 (The Nerd Quibbles On...) View this template 22:47, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

Don't worry, I have an umbrella. I nice, thick, boot-proof umbrella that can handle hail the size of baseballs... and if I pay for the upgrade, grapefruits.

Using the same principles I used to add an extra zero or two on my tax refund (and to avoid some taxation all together), I hired some kid in a robe (who doesn't wear those stupid costumes, you should try it) to redirect those boots twelve miles offshore from any civillain structure. By releasing a "patch" through Windows Update (and my new MH&S Doors systems), I now have a nice bot-net that can infiltrate the IRS and monitor any computer I choose (except the Organ and the coat wearing kingdom computers, as well as much of the hover city full of pigeons seagulls).

Allow me to inform you that I still have TAX EXEMPTION in all of the USA thanks to the candy hating judge of yours, as well well as that dumb little sensei-kid's computer stock, which has QUADRUPLED since editing this. I plan on buying his company and once again becoming a computing business to be reckoned with. I'd own Doors, the kid's teaching company, and I plan on engineering my own species of puffle. I also hired two geeks to build a shapeshifting machine for me so I can DISGUISE myself in a nice penguin costume of my own. {nix that, they refused} -GATE$

I also pulled in one billion worth of profits from my escapades here in this frozen wasteland, and coupled with stock and Microsoft, I'll have three billion by April twentieth.

Wrap your baseball sized brains around THAT, penguin.

--Bill Gate$

  • Mr. Gates, I want to say why you are here trying to ruin the antarctic we are real penguins you dufus,Explorer is a co-webmaster,I'm a sysop,And everyone is gonna beat the living tar out of you *unveils angry mob* Se everyone is on to you gates even the high buerocrats are on to you especially director benny (Whos one of my close friends) And now we are gonna beat the living tar out of you *everyone sets up clubs,shovels,and fish* CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!! Tails6000

Gates, you're banned from Weddell, Turtle Atoll, and anything else that comes under my representative postition.-Sir Kwiksilver of TARDIS 05:12, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

XOMG! These retaliations get dumber and dumber, Mister Gates..... I don't need a brain the size of a grape to tell you that.

  • Hacking will not get you far. The boots have been redesigned to be lightweight, so we'll just turn on a gale-force wind to blow them boots back on the right course, eh?
  • About the computer-monitoring system you set up.... one of my puffles happens to be a brilliant hacker. He does government-funded cyber-operations, and he could take out your puny little patch anytime he wants.
  • The shapeshifting machine idea was the stupidest of all....... we've been tracking those two for about a year already, and the trail has never gone cold!

We have also implanted explosive devices in the boots, Mister Gates. I sealed a pact with the governor of the Antarctic Peninsula, and you are now banned in that state forever. You have almost no state in which you can upgrade your umbrella, and by the time you find one, we'll be sending down the boots.... heheheh.

Good luck. You'll need it.

Yours "Falsely", Explorer 767 (The Nerd Quibbles On...) View this template 01:54, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

You under estimate me, Mister Antics.

  • First off, that freak turtle-thing has still given me full access through the Atoll. He's like clay in my hand.

  • Second, you can't hack anything outside of your continent without being tracked by a sane country.

  • Third, I took the liberty of having the shape shifting machine upgraded using the money that was going to make Windows 7 better than it already is. It doesn't assume the identity of others, it creates its own. In other words, I'd be just another guy in a penguin suit, with an unmonitorable IP Address courtesy of that guy with the oar. - {I stopped that idea ages ago}

  • Fourth, that computer wizard has finally unlocked the source code for your boots. They are currently raining on that fool, Steve Jobs. It's about time, too. His Phone was killing my sales.

  • Sixth, that computer-shogun kid trusts me like a brother now. In fact, I proposed a merger. You better work fast, or his lucrative company will be mine. By the way, do you want to know HOW I befriended that sucker hook, line, and sinker? Apparently, no one talks to him. Kind of sad, though I really could care less. I'm in it for his money. He's one of the wealthiest creatures around. His stock quadrupled again. I just invested in 37% of all shares. Thanks to that, I get 60,000 currency daily. In three days, all of the profits I've pulled around here will leave me with three billion in cash by April 20. By May 20, I would gain three billion more. From there, one billion every two months. I'm richer in this idiotic land than in my native country.

  • Seventh, I don't know if you really ARE intelligent penguins, but as long as there are suckers to bribe, I can keep this up. Humans have the largest brain relative to body size. We are genetically superior. We also have thumbs, something you lack in your costumes/bodies, whatever species you may be. Penguin brains are the size of baseballs, though... I'm surprised you can even speak perfect English. You use what you have well, don't you?

  • Ninth, I still have tax exemption in your USA, that nerd world, and an unmonitorable bank account courtesy of that oar guy.

--Bill Gate$!

Bah, money. I can bribe the Bureau of Minting and Engraving to make me a couple thousand coins any ol' week I want. Why don't you sit there and suck your lollipop of "genetic superiority" while I tell you a few things?

  1. The boots aren't digital, you dummy. The digital ones were decoys made for the exact purpose that you utilized them for: hitting Steve Jobs. (I hate Mac computers. I would like an icePhone, though...) It's too late to do anything, Mister Gates; we just sent down the first fresh load of exploding boots 45 seconds ago. Descent time is approximately 50 seconds, so I hope you're inside. Wait, the boots have a material-phasing function, so nix that.
  2. I don't care if you have tax exemption; since I'm a government official, I get tax exemption, too! I also recieived some more stock from Snowtendo and a few other video game companies (which I bribed, heheh), which puts me at sixty-seven billion coins. And if you think that's large, you should see how much my brother has...
  3. The shapeshifting machine is still not gonna work for you. We have universal trackers on watch 24/7, 365.25 days a year. We can tell when you're disgusing yourself, and our feed is undisruptable. If it were, then the universe would have blown up already.

That's all you can think of? Sheesh, dude, perhaps your brain isn't as competent as you say it is.....

Yours "Falsely", Explorer 767 (The Nerd Quibbles On...) View this template 19:57, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

First off, the Council hired me to block everything coming from your IP, which you accidentally revealed on your blog, and this odd Windows OS, which we call Windoze. If you have invested in Pad Industries, then we also block Doors and Penguin OS configurations with the PadIndustries UA component. --Zapwire (talk - click me!) 18:07, 1 May 2009 (UTC)