The Stampers Five

The Universe Bias Engineers, or, normally, The Stampers Five, are a bored group of lowly BOF bureaucrats tasked with what would supposedly be an amazing power. Their job is to take every character passed through the BOF and stamp it as "GOOD", "BAD", or "NEUTRAL". The stamp determines if the universe will automatically work in their favor, against them, or be forbidden to intervene.

However, ask any employee and they can all tell you that the job is one of the most boring and mundane of tasks. Oh, it's touted as vital and needed, but really, it makes no more sense than keeping an elevator operator once an elevator is automatic. Obviously, the job could be done just as easily by Benny upon approval, or by a secretary of a Master, but NO, they have to send it all the way down the halls for five stampers. Isn't impracticallity just glorious?

The job
The Stampers Five are some of the lowliest of Bureau employees, just slightly above the janitors. They are probably Class Three or Class Four wall breakers, but no one cares enough to ask.

At 7:00 AM Penguin Standard, they shuffle in to work, and sit there, pulling a folder from the "IN" bin, stamping it, and putting it into the "OUT" bin.

When the Masters write a character, it starts at Author Billybob, goes to Director for approval, back to Author, back to Director, to Illustrator, the Director again, back to the Illustrator, the Director one last time, and then to the Narrator... before going to the Director to be put into existance. Benny insists on "improving", editing, and revising the item each step of the way.

The Stampers come in on the Director's second-to-last run, just before the Narrator. All of the forms describing the character's name, species, parody (if applicable) etc. (AKA Infobox parameters) are on top, and under that are pages and pages of words describing the character (AKA the body text and headers, what we are reading), and finally, a table of references and trivia (AKA See also and Trivia).

These files are all put together into a folder and that folder into a manilla envelope. On the envelope is the character's name, the BOF logo, and a one-sentance summary of the character. These are shoved into a bin marked "OUT" and carted out of the Masters' quarters, down the halls and floors, and to the Stampers, where they are wheeled next to their desk. Once stamped, they are shoved back into an "IN" bin to their right and taken back up to the Masters to continue.

The workplace
Each Stamper has a small desk, and they sit on a stool. To their left is the "OUT" bin, to their right is the "IN" bin. They reach into the first bin and pull out an envelope containing a character's folder.

To the top right of their desk are three ink pads. One is black, one is yellow, and one is red, in that order. Accompanying these are three rubber stamps, with ornate wooden blocks holding the rubber with the words on it. The stamps read, in order, "GOOD", "NEUTRAL", and "BAD".

A Stamper grabs the stamp, puts it in the ink, and stamps the folder, and moves on. It really couldn't be any simpler... or more boring.

Criticism of the position
Aside from the complaints of the Stampers themselves, the position recieves a lot of criticism from other bureaucrats. The job is seen as unnecessary, harkening back to the days when the Bureau did not use computers (and indeed, the company created the position in the 1950s). They state that an add-on/extension/plug-in could easily be placed on Benny's software, or, to prevent bias, a stop in McFlapp's organ, or even, just to save time, giving the same stamping job to Becky to prevent having to scale floors and halls just to move a bin.

The Stampers are under the Director branch of the Bureau. Benny refuses to abolish the job or fire the Stampers, three of whom are as old as their position. Of course, the Stampers could take their job and shove it, but you don't do that to Benny.

In short, it's an unnecessary position that slows down writing and coast the Bureau five unnecessary salaries and pensions. Benny loves doing that.

Even worse, the Masters can stamp a file themselves. Tortugadesetas, a neutral character, was stamped not by a Stamper, but by Benny, providing more complaints that the position is just there to be there.

Possible benefits
However, if the Stampers could ever realize the so-called "importance" of their job, they could begin manipulating the universe a bit. Stampers' stamps are irreversible. Once stamped, the effect is permament, the archetype applied (irregardless of what the contents say), and the bias is binding. No Master can edit a stamped folder's bias. The universe will forever tilt things for or against them, or, if neutral, leave them alone.

Stampers could mark "GOOD" on a villain, resulting in an Anti-Hero or a grey character, in which the universe benefits them despite them being evil. Anti-Heroes were often intended to be villains, but the "GOOD" stamp was applied by mistake, causing them to have an urge to do some good, even if it is for selfish reasons.

Vice-versa, this can cause Anti-Villains, good creatures with an urge to do bad, or good creatures that are just horrible on their luck.

The stamps
The three stamps bestow the character a particular position in literature. Even when no Master is at a console and the world guides itself, the very nature of the universe can be tilted for or against them by these three little stamps.

"GOOD"
The "GOOD" stamp, when applied to a character, causes the universe to, at random, supply them with benefits and luck. Characters marked "GOOD" are, of course, good creatures with well-intended means.

Also coupled with a "GOOD" stamp is a slight urge to do what is right no matter what the contents of the character otherwise say. However, this is slight and may not be immediantly visible, but it's always there. This urge can be corrupted by avarice, but it's there and can't be removed.

"BAD"
The "BAD" stamp does the opposite. It cause the stamped character to fall into hard times, or their plans to fail, or things to just simply go wrong. Villains get this, but the most powerful of villains recieve the universe's bias about fifty percent less, because they're so powerful as to fight the stamp (characters like Herbert, Darktan, Nightmare, and Lizlord, for example).

They are also given an urge to do bad and tend to recieve an excellent evil laugh as part of the stamp.

"NEUTRAL"
The neutral stamp does exactly what one would think it does. Characters stamped as "NEUTRAL" recieve no benefits or setbacks from the universe. They rise and fall at their own merits, choose their own paths, and do as they wish.

This stamp has been known to be abused, like on Zone, who is obviously a villain...

TO BE CONTINUED...