Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature

The Universal Bureau of Fictitious Literature, otherwise known as the Bureau of Fiction, the Bureau (pronounced "bee-yoo-roh"), or the BoF, is a conspiracy theory that allegedly controls the entire universe. Many penguins work in the various Departments of the Bureau, which is headed by the five Masters of the Universe.

Background
It is unknown how the BoF got here in the first place, or who started. All that is known is that one day a new publishing company, called Ampersand Publishing, Inc., sent several random penguins across Antarctica invitations to work for them, and at a very nice salary. The penguins that accepted were never seen again.

For years, random penguins kept on disappearing after they received invitations to work at the same company. A few people noticed, but no one cared. Even stranger was that the company never seemed to publish any books. In fact, their so-called "various offices" were just empty, run-down buildings at random addresses throughout the continent. And yet no one questioned the existence or true motives of Ampersand Publishing, Inc.

In 2003, the Philly Cheesesteak Test failed to cloak the S.S. Elfringe. However, the ship was instead sent flying through a strange realm of portals and cats. Several sailors onboard the ship claimed to hear voices in their heads after the experiment. And a few weeks after the test had ended, every single sailor who had participated received the same invitation to work at Ampersand Publishing. They all vanished as well.

However, this time someone noticed. Government officials were suspicious about the disappearance of the sailors (after all, the government does keep a record of everyone they work with) and did some investigating. Soon after, they found an archived list of people who had vanished after accepting an invitation to work at Ampersand Publishing. They also found a common trait amongst every single person on the list -- all of them claimed to hear voices in their heads.

At this time, the BoF's Masters of the Universe decided they couldn't remain secret for long, and revealed themselves to select members of the government, who agreed to keep everything about the Fourth Wall secret. A new classification level was added to the Classification Code, meant specifically for such topics.

In the present, the BoF is known to several penguins who are outside of the organization and have sworn to not spill the beans. The government and BoF also secretly work together in operations against villains like Darktan and Nightmare, while the citizens of Antarctica are completely unaware that someone is controlling their existence.

Involvement
The Bureau of Fiction is a secret organization consisting entirely of Fourth-Wall breakers that control different aspects of the universe. The organization's purpose is to protect the existence and well-being of the entire world, and it has been entrusted (by whom, no one exactly knows) to safekeep the rules and laws governing nature.

The BoF's main job is to maintain stories. The Fourth Wall does most of the work actually progressing stories, but despite being a supercomputer in essence, it can only write extremely bland, boring stories that never introduce any change or plot twists. The BoF is tasked with altering the stories as they come out, so that they are exciting, dramatic, and a better read all in all. The BoF also has to start off stories, as the Fourth Wall is unable to do this itself. (However, it is fully capable of ending stories.)

The BoF is also tasked with maintaining the universe -- keeping the laws of nature in check, making sure evil never ultimately prevails over good, and taking care of the millenia-old Fourth Wall.

BOF employees somehow have access to just about every normal building and area, and can enter without question. (The only doors they are not allowed to enter are doors that are ranked higher than their security clearance -- these doors are located only in the BoF itself and the facilities of other Fourth-Wall-governing organizations.) Everything from the Teacher's Lounge in PSU, to the employee's office in GoodyMart, and even a commoner's igloo or the Cellars of MyphCo. No door is safe!

Wherever there is a conspiracy, the Bureau of Fiction follows. Any awkward behaviors or adventures in the universe somehow involves them. Conspirists of all walks of life believe that they are somehow tied to every cover-up, snowjob, war, corruption, and government secret imaginable. Even more frightening than that would have to be the reports of menacing figures wearing moose masks appearing before them in the night with either threats or bribes to shut them up.

Facility
The Bureau's facilities are located in a void next to the Fourth Wall. The building is in the shape of an immense, hollow, white cylinder, and the Bureau's logo is painted on the ceiling and floor. The entrances to the different Departments are all over the walls, with the Masters' offices being located at the very top of the cylinder, above the logo. In the center of the building is a sprawling maze of wires, rails, and cords, which serve as the basis for the Bureau's transit system, the lifts. These lifts are like roofless, see-through elevators, except that they can move around in any direction using the rails, wires, and cords.

Entrances
Due to the diversity of the Bureau's workforce, entrances have been established in every single state of the USA, South Pole City, Ternville, and every single country in the Antarctic. Other, more obscure entrances are placed at random towns and areas in case a primary portal fails, or if it is needed.

All the entrances involve registering an employee's pass (a golden card with the Bureau logo, the holder's identity and security clearance, and a unique magnetic stripe on it) into the Bureau's main supercomputer.

For the list of entrances, go here.

Personalized ID Cards
Certain penguins have personalized Identity Cards instead of the normal golden one. Click to enlarge.

List of Departments
Note: Each department is followed by a short summary of its job.


 * Department of Time (controls time and history)
 * History Office
 * Time Agency Relations Office
 * Time Ninjas (unconfirmed)


 * Department of Rollbacks (reverts nasty edits)
 * Rollback Task Force
 * Rollback Remote Production Office


 * Department of Vandalism, Headed up by Dan
 * Ban Room (bans repeat vandals)
 * Reverting Office (Reverts the bigger vandalism the Department of Rollbacks can't)


 * Department of Sysops (does maintainence work and community organization)
 * Banhammer Storage Room


 * Department of Article Maintenance (name is self-explanatory)
 * The Library (where every article in existence is stored.)
 * Deletion Administration Board, Headed up by Dan
 * Protection Administration Board
 * Moving Administration Board


 * Department of Fonts (creates, clones, and prepares letters for usage in documents and narratives)
 * Font Production Office
 * Cloning Office
 * Formatting Office
 * Digitization and Shipping Office
 * Linguistics Office (analyzes and manages languages, alphabets, and phonetics)


 * Department of Plot (name is self-explanatory)
 * Characters Office
 * Settings Office
 * Plot Components & Devices Office
 * Plot Generation Board


 * Department of Science (analyzes and controls different attributes and laws of science)
 * Physics Office
 * Chemistry Office
 * Biology Office
 * Meteorology Office
 * Geology Office
 * Astronomy Office
 * Electromagnetics Office
 * Thermodynamics Office
 * Aeronautics Office


 * Department of Mathematics (analyzes and controls different attributes and laws of math)
 * Arithmetic Office
 * Algebra Office
 * Geometry Office
 * Trigonometry Office
 * Calculus Office
 * Analytical Math Office (deals with everything else, e.g., set theory, complex numbers, etc.)
 * Universal Field Theory Office (deals with universal field theory)
 * Hall of Equations
 * Hall of Constants
 * Hall of Operations


 * Department of Conflict (deals with battle stories such as the Great Darktonian Pie War)
 * Board of Strategy
 * Department of Plot Relations Office


 * Department of Imports (manages importing real-world items into the universe and fanonizing them)
 * Meme Installation Office
 * Theme Song Administration Board
 * Walrus Installation Office
 * Human Immigration Office


 * Department of Machinery (maintains and fixes Bureau equipment)
 * Repair Office
 * Inspection Office
 * Invention Office, headed by 12yz12ab.


 * Department of Hippenproxy (non-existent)


 * Department of Imagery
 * Pixel Studios, Inc.

More coming soon!
 * Department of Animation
 * PowerPoint Division
 * OO.o Impress Division


 * Department of Universal Safekeeping (watches and keeps the universe safe from evil beings)
 * Universal Surveilance (watches the universe)
 * Prefect Division/Prefect Task Force (PTF) (they actually do the dirty work but they also have positions of authority in the BoF and must enforce the rules)
 * Agent Division (patrols the universe)


 * Moose In Black (keeps the Fourth Wall and the Bureau a secret, and occasionally goes on missions to complete tasks for the Bureau)
 * Lightwood (Lightwood isn't part of the BoF but the MIB use them for storing artefacts and the study of interuniversal objects. Lightwood is controled by the MIB and the BoF send Lightwood on missions based on Antarctica. Many BoF members are also members of Lightwood)

Trivia

 * Willy the Penguin wishes to be a part of this. Every time he tries to enter, he gets kicked out by the members.


 * The entire Bureau of Fiction is powered by a plethora of Brownian ratchets, which ensures that the Bureau never has to pay the bills (since Brownian ratchets convert the random motions of molecules into useful energy).


 * The Bureau disguises itself as a private publishing company called "Ampersand Publishing, Inc." Ironically, the alleged slogan of the company is "Where books come to life!"


 * Some claim that the entire Bureau (and consequently the entire universe) is a machine (think Stripedcatsnout Hall, without the socialism) under the influence of Explorer and Mayor McFlapp. However, the Masters have extensively denied this.


 * There is no entrance in New North Etana.


 * Add more!

Weegee Controversy
Starting August 23rd, an unnerving character somehow gained an ID entry into the Bureau. His name is Weegee, his origins unknown. He is silent, moving about the halls without having to adjust a signle body part... he just glides across the floor without changing poses. He peaks into offices and departments, just watching employees do their work. Of course, when the employees notice Weegee watching them, they become uncomfortable and reduce their productivity. Weegee, after a random amount of time staring, will glide away and head to some place else.

Realizing his employees' concerns, Author Billybob addressed Weeegee and his unwelcome presence. The Master explained that Weegee, though unlawfully in the Bureau, is not a threat to the employees and seems to not want to hurt them (we hope). He continued by stating that they are trying to remove Weegee from the company (to no avail), and guarenteed the safety of the employees, requesting them to "ignore" Weegee and go about their jobs.

Since Weegee is a strange and otherworldly entity, Bureau Employees asked to speak to the members of the Department of Imports' Meme Installation Office. When asked about it, they all reacted to Weegee with a gasp and the occasional cowering under the desk. They explained that, in Internet folklore, Weegee is a dangerous and unstoppable threat which attacks by staring at creatures dumb enough to stare back, turning them into Weegees and adding to the so-called "Weegee Army". They were relieved when they heard that Weegee was not doing anything like that, but warned everyone to not look Weegee directly in the eyes for safety concerns. They tell them to focus on some other feature on the wraith, preferably the wacky facial hair, when near him.

As of now, Weegee is not a threat, they say, but his stare is unnerving.

The releaser of Weegee admitted to be a crazy Department of Imports member. The others claimed he read to much 1337chan and the memes made him insane, so he released Weegee with a VNC connection to Benny's laptop, which ran Doors at the time. He was later arrested by an unknown force. McFlapp is working hard to rollback the phenomena.