Great Darktonian Pie War/Archived Inclusions

'''Welcome to the Pie War Archive section. It is here that we store segments of the story that were written too early to write. Items such as PogoPunk's dramatic part, the Brilliance dragon, and (ROTFL) Archon Charades.

ARCHON CHARADES
"Hmmm...." Darktan said, pacing back and forth. "We are losing. We must retreat. Aha, but they wont be much without their precious capital, will they?" He said to a Mwa Mwa Penguin.

"Otay. Wes swir!" said the loonie.

Darktan called a break with the referee. The referee agreed. He sounded an air horn and ordered the armies to stop. Group "aawwws" were heard across the valley.

Luce turned to Proffesor Shroomsky.

"Professor, make sure you don't drop the Silmaril Crown. Darktan is up to something, and we're going to need it."

Shroomsky nodded.

Darktan floated at his vantange point overlooking the battle.

"Before we storm the capital, we must figure out why the tides shifted right after the storm came..." Darktan whispered to himself.

He clapped his flippers and summoned a Dark Archon. The dragon-smoke creature bowed in respect and waved, signaling he was ready for his orders.

"Okay. I need you to go into that could and find out anything you can on a powerful weapon."

The Dark Archon bowed and did so. He flew up into the sky and immediantly mnd-controlled a random arctic tern. Using this new body, he shuffled in a zombie manner straight to Mayor McFlapp's quarters.

The Archon paused. He looked left and right. For a second, he could have sworn he heard someone playing an organ down the halls of the empty building.

He shuffled down the corridors to a room with an ornate door. Two terns holding Snow Ball Guns stopped him.

"What do you want?"

The Dark Archon was nervous. He had no idea what to do, and since his species can not speak, he was worried. He floated out of the tern he mind-controled and dashed behind a curtain. The tern shook its head rapidly.

"Where am I? Why am I in front of the Narrator's Organ room?"

The guards glared. The tern dashed off.

The Dark Archon sighed in relief. He immediantly fired his aura beams at one of the guards, forcing it to the The Worm dance. He zapped the other, and it started cutting the rug like Cadence, even doing her signature dance.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US?!" one tern screamed to the other.

"I DON'T KNOW, BUT I SURE AM A DANCING MACHINE! WATCH THIS!"

The Dark Archon flew between them and burst open the locked doors. There, he saw the Narrator's Organ, and a random tern entruseted with operating it while the Mayor was away. Its screens showed various things on the battleground, as well as Darktan at his vantage point. The wraith's eyes metaphorically grew to the size of dinner plates. He had found the secret! An all-seeing console! The Archon exited the room and flew down from the clouds.

Darktan turned as his minion entered.

"Did you find anything?"

The Archon nodded feverishly.

"Tell me EVERYTHING."

The Archon nodded. He held up one claw.

"Charades?! I have no time for this! Oh, never mind... okay... first word."

The Dark Archon pointed up.

"Clouds?"

The Archon nodded. He held up two claws.

"Second word."

The wraith imitated an arctic tern.

"Airplanes?"

The archon shook its head. He continued flapping.

"Missles? Aircraft? Space shuttle? Come on, do something else!"

The Dark Archon slapped his claw against his face. He formed a cloud of auras into the rough shape of a top hat. He placed it on his head and started strutting around.

"Will Whitefoot?"

He shook his head. The Archon started flapping his arms again, while strutting around.

"OH! Mayor McFlapp! What about him?"

Still wearing the top hat, the Archon held out his claws and imitated playing a keyboard.

"Mayor McFlapp plays the piano?"

The wraith shook its head. He grabbed a nearby book and started playing the keyboard on it.

"Mayor McFlapp plays on books like a piano?"

The Dark Archon slapped his claw against his face once more. He pointed to Darktan and floated above him, playing the keyboard once more.

"He plays the keyboard... on me?"

The Dark Archon nodded. He then shot auras at Darktan, making him dance like Cadence for a few seconds, before Darktan borke free.

"AAAGH! You insolent... Why did you do THAT?!"

The Archon continued chrading. He played the keyboard and pointed to Darktan.

"Wait, the keyboard, it's controlling me?"

The Archon nodded. He then imiatated banging the keyboard like in a horror movie.

"He plays an organ? Mayor McFlapp plays an organ that controls me?"

The wraith nodded feverishly.

"How can that be?"

The Dark Archon shrugged. He pointed up.

"It's in the sky?"

The Archon clapped in celebration.

"So, Mayor McFlapp has an organ, in the sky, that controls me? Where is it?!"

The Dark Archon pointed in the direction he flew off. Darktan subsequently fired an aura beam in that direction.

The beam barely missed the Organ. It knocked it over and tore a hole in the Mayor's office. The beam continued into space, where it damaged a satillite.

A NASA controller shivered.

"The Chandra X-Ray observatory is now offline..."

Screams were heard in the background.

PogoPunk's Glorious Contribution
A voice was heard.

"dAt'z da s | Gn4l!! fIR33 d4 w4FFl3z!"

The Str00del Force had arrived!

Billy Mays loaded up a catapult with pastries, Kaboom, Oxipies, waffles, and all other sorts of items. He set them all to fly at Darktan.

Darktan touched the Shadow Amulet, and teleported away from the deluge of pastries.

"How laughable! Is that all you can muster? Let me show you true power!" Darktan said, conjuring up a black void. Billy Mays got sucked into the void.

Luce retaliated with a beam of light, but Darktan was encased with a shield.

"Okay keepers, we'll try all our attacks together!"

All of the keepers each used their amulets elemental powers on Darktan, and that still didn't work.

"Heh, I expected more from the Chosen one!" Darktan taunted.

"Our attacks aren't doing anything! He's being shielded by the Shadow Amulet!" Luce yelled in a frightened tone.

"Enough! I grow weary of these childish games!" Darktan yelled, who was creating a giant rift.

"Now you will all meet my good friend Armageddon! Prepare to meet the end of the world, you moronic penguins!" Darktan said, with his trademark laugh.

Just as he ended his speech, he was interrupted with a pie in the face. Professor Shroomsky threw it, and the pie negated Darktan's spell.

After a couple of cheers Shroomsky smiled.

"OWNED!"

Shroomsky turned to Luce.

"DID YOU SEE THAT? I HIT THE ULTIMATE EVIL!"

Shroomsky was very proud of himself. Had Luce not informed him to stop jumping, the Silmaril Crown would have fallen off his head.

Luce turned to Darktan.

"We'll fight to the end!" Luce yelled.

"L4Wlz, U g0t d4t r1te!1!1" The Str00del Force said.

Suddenly, all the amulets, spare Darktan's, flew up into the sky in a shining brilliance, they homed in on Darktan, and broke his shield;

"Aha ha ha ha ha.. huh?"

"My barrier.. is gone?" Darktan said, confused.

"Heroes with courage, burn forth to shatter the walls of blight..." Luce quoted.

"That's what the prophecy said."

"Very well! This will be a fitting battle against the end of USA!" Darktan sneered.

Just as the keepers were about to advance, Darktan created a shadowy substance, that struck down all the Elemental Keepers, except Luce.

"I will only fight with you. Leave me my minions, I will deal with this alone." Darktan said,

"B-but Darktan!"

"Quiet! Only I need to finish this."

Creatures below kept throwing pies at Darktan's minons despite this, and the creature himself, though they had no effect.

After his speech, Darktan swooped up and the battle began. Luce shot several blasts of light at Darktan, but he covered his face with his cape, and reflected them back. Luce did the same. It was like a match of tennis, but eventually Darktan lost his guard and the light pierced through him. In a shriek, he fell to the ground. Luce conjured several light blasts on him, but the Shadow Amulet gave him renewed power, and Darktan arised, whom blasted Luce against a wall with a dark force.

Luce however, was ready. Since the Shadow Amulet rejuvenates Darktan's power, she thought of a plan. Darktan in the meantime, shot out another blast of shadow, but Luce deflected it. It hit Darktan, and it seemed like it hurt more than the previous attack. She found out Darktan's weakness; he can be neutralized with the same element of his!

Darktan knew of her secret, and he decided to counter by slowing down time itself;

"Wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttsssssssssss hhhhhhhaaaaaaaapppppppeeeeeeeennnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggggg" Professor Shroomsky said, whom was affected with the slowdown of time, along with everyone else. Darktan however, was not affected, seeing as he created this effect.

Darktan made yet another blast, that struck Luce down, seeing as her reflexes were slowed dramatically. Luce had to adjust her timing right so that she could still hurt Darktan, but not get hurt herself.

Just as Darktan was conjuring up a black mass, Luce assumed her reflecting position. Darktan threw the mass at her, but it was reflected, and it struck Darktan down. Darktan was feeling very weak after this, so Luce decided to end it by blasting him with a brilliance of light. Darktan then fell to the ground, and time returned to normal. The battle ended.

Luce and the keepers wandered over to the tattered, bruised Darktan;

"Heh.. heh... it's over. Finish me.." Darktan raspily said.

"Why does it have to end like this?" Luce replied.

"Luce.. when your mother passed away, you were nowhere to be found. I searched, and searched, but I couldn't find you. In a last attempt, I used the Shadow Amulet to help me find you, but I became mad with power. I've done too much wrong in the USA. Finish me, and I will be at peace." Darktan said sadly.

Just then, he was interrupted by WitchyPenguin.

"Darktan! Watch out!" WitchyPenguin said, who used herself as a shield from an incoming attack. It hit WitchyPenguin, whom fell to the ground and fainted.

"WitchyPenguin!" Darktan yelled.

"Silly assistant, absorbing my attack to save him. What an adorably hopeless gesture!" A figure said. The figure emerged, and it was PogoPunk.

"I was about to give him the everlasting peace he so truely wants!"

"PogoPunk?! I thought you were creamed by Manny Peng!" Luce said in surprise.

"Nope!"

"What?! Don't kill him!" Explorer screamed, holding up a scroll that said COC. "YOU'D BE BREAKING THE LAW!"

"I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOUR STINKING LAWS!" PogoPunk shouted.

Silence.

Turtleheimer turned to Luce, whispering.

"Oh no he didn't!"

PogoPunk turned back to Darktan. He smirked.

"Darktan's death is a mere price to pay, as the Shadow Amulet will not be stopped... if I continue to control it!" PogoPunk said.

"I was planning to get the Shadow Amulet all along, but I couldn't do it on my own. I needed the keepers to get it from Darktan, and now it's all come to plan. If they ever make thank-you cards for helping an evil guy with his plans, I owe you one. Especially you, Shroomsky. That lawsuit... yep, this battle would have been done without you."

"WHAT are you saying?" Shroomsky yelled.

"I'm saying that you are all no longer of value to me, so I'm ending your games." PogoPunk said, whom grabbed the Shadow Amulet. He clicked his fingers, and a little sprout emerged from Darktan's head.

"What IS that?" Luce shrieked.

"When I drew Darktan, I planted a Doom Weed in the subconscious of his mind, and it has grown spectacularly! The prophecy says he is the perfect host for the Shadow Amulet!"

"YOU PUT A DOOM WEED IN HIS HEAD?!" Explorer screamed.

Both armies let out a group eeewwww.

Luce turned to the side of Good.

"I think I understand! That Doom Weed there, it was copying Darktan's powers! That plant has all of Darktan's powers in it! If PogoPunk eats it, he will have Darktan's powers! Then, he will send Darktan into a void, and take over the continent!"

"You just figured that out?" PogoPunk gloated.

Everyone nodded.

"Now I will use the Shadow Amulet's power, and, combined with Darktan's power, I WILL BECOME THE NEW EVIL! AHHAAHAHHAAHA!"

"Guys, get your pies ready.." Explorer whispered to the others.

As PogoPunk was maniaclly laughing, he was struck down with an Oxypie. Billy Mays returned from the void!

"Hi, Billy Mays here!" he said.

"How did you return? What was it like in the void?" Luce said.

"That was the innovative secret!" he replied.

They all walked over to the stricked PogoPunk, whom emerged from the Oxypie.

"Er.. hehe.. I was joking about all that stuff. Ummm, a..uh.. Doom Weed was planted in my subconscious as well! You saved me!" PogoPunk said in an attempt to save himself.

Unfortunately, no one bought that story, and he was slammed with a cavalcade of pies.

"So what do we do with Darktan?" Luce said.

"Well, the Shadow Amulet can heal him, but it will bring back his evil. If you want your father to feel better, then we need the Shadow Amulet. It's the only way to heal him."

"I don't want to give him the amulet, but I guess I have no choice.." Luce said, giving Darktan the amulet. Darktan was instantly revived, and was ready to battle again...

After a bell rang, PogoPunk was carted off, still covered in pie.

Darktan woke up.

"Wait... so PogoPunk put a plant in my head... he was going to steal all my powers?!"

Darktan became enraged.

"I WANTED THE POWER! GAH!"

Darktan was ready to fight again.